live, love, loafe

September 27, 2004

toys for grownups.

Today I went to a womenís party where products for erotic pleasure were available for purchase. You know, toys and stuff. For women and their partners. It was very interesting. I have never been to such a thing and I felt both empowered and a little uncomfortable. But everyone there was very relaxed and at ease with the whole thing so that made it easier.

I bought two items. I bought ben wa balls for me (ben wa balls are to strengthen your kegel muscles, which really take a beating during pregnancy and delivery) and this weird stretchy thing called glo-mouth for Gordon. Glo-mouth slides over the penis to enhance the sensations during handjobs and masturbation. Oh, and I also bought really expensive lube for Gordon to use, because you need lots of it when using the glo-mouth thing.

I figure if I gave him that, he might leave me alone for awhile. My sexual interest in Gordon = 0.

The minute we got home, he wanted to try it. Boys are so silly. Sex sex sex all the time. He was thinking about it the whole drive home and was dying for the baby to fall asleep so he could give it a whirl. He enjoyed it, Iíll say that much. Now the pressure is off of me. When he starts bugging me, Iíll hand him the lube and mr. glo and send him off to the bedroom, ďhave a good time, donít hurry back!Ē

There used to be a time when I felt good about sex. When things like vibrators and porn and sexy stuff was enjoyable to me and I didnít feel all creeped out and weird about it. It wasnít that long ago, but I canít remember what it feels like. Why did I go from liking that stuff to this? It isnít just the pregnancy and baby thing; I was feeling pretty crummy about it long before that.

Man I really need to get myself a hobby.

Posted by christa at September 27, 2004 02:31 AM


Say, does Gordon read this blog? I can just imagine how crippled my ego would be if I had the mother of my child writing in a public place about how her sexual interest in my = zero. Ouch...

Then again, if you deliberately picked him because he was blind or illiterate, that's some powerful foresight on your behalf, kudos!

Posted by: Jonathan at September 27, 2004 03:42 PM

Ya know, you trying squeezing something the size of a watermelon out something the size of a lemon and see how intersted YOU are in having sex. Jesus, men are such fucking tards!

Posted by: Tiffany at September 27, 2004 04:09 PM

I'm retarded for implying that I wouldn't want someone I care about deeply telling the world how physically unattractive they found me? Shame on me. But kudos to you as well, Tiff, for your high level of tolerance, and for your part in bridging the gap between the genders.

Posted by: Jonathan at September 27, 2004 04:58 PM

I hardly think that someone who described using the word goddess as "dorky" can rightly be criticizing others for failing to bridge the gap between the genders.

Posted by: Marianne at September 27, 2004 05:36 PM

My point has been made.

Posted by: Tiffany at September 27, 2004 05:55 PM

Gordon sometimes reads loafe. To be fair, he's more than aware of my level of sexual interest, so anything he read here wouldn't be new information. and to be fair, I didn't say that I found Gordon physically unattractive, just that I didn't feel like having sex.

so we all win!

but mostly me. I win the most.

Posted by: christa at September 27, 2004 06:06 PM

Can I just say, "stump the rump?"

Posted by: Your Gut at September 27, 2004 08:45 PM

I actually hosted one of those sex toy parties not too long ago, they're fun! invited all my single, horny girlfriends, which I know plenty of :-) dont know what i'd do without my vibrator, especially these past 8 months of cellibacy. I think what you're going thru is normal for women after pregnancy, so I wouldnt worry too much about it. I think you'll get back to feeling like your old self again in time. Hang in there!

Posted by: celly belly at September 28, 2004 11:32 AM

Marianne, I'm genuinely curious - if the woman who lives up the road from me is tight with her money, is she still a miser? Or should I create a feminized version of the word, miseress, or miserette? I'm not being anti woman here, I'm just an English major. There's a difference between feminizing a masculine pronoun, like "policeman," and creating a new word out of an inherently genderless description. You can try to politicize it all you wish, claiming that I speak the from the priviledged position of the opressor, etc, etc, but can you stop and just explain your position without attacking me? If it helps (and not that you'll believe me), my point of view on this issue was entirely informed by my (female, lesbian) gender studies professor back at UC Irvine in 1992. She advocated the feminization of masculine pronouns ("councilman" "asssemblyman"), but heavily mocked those who felt a need to feminize genderless words like, say, "Teacher", or "God"). And as for Tiff, yes, clearly your point has been made. Well made, point. Whatever.

Posted by: Jonathan at September 29, 2004 12:24 AM

Jonathan, sweetie, I'm not attacking you. At least, that is certainly not my intent. Regardless of gender issues within the language, people tend to get a little sensitive about their religion, wouldn't you agree? So, I just don't think it is a great idea to go around calling part of someone's spirituality or faith "dorky". That's all I'm saying. It makes you seem like an insensitive jerk, when clearly you aren't.

As far as feminizing the word "god" I hear what your professor is saying and there is a school of feminist thought that finds it counter-productive to feminize words using "ess" or "ette" and finds that just as demeaning as any male centered word. However, I do choose to use the word "goddess" as a part of my spiritual vocabulary because I grew up Catholic which is an extremely patriarchal religion wherein god is definitely male. I feel a need to separate myself from this idea of religion and so therefore I use the word goddess. It is also a part of my faith (and many faiths throughout the world) to conceptualize the divine universe in two parts, as male and female and see different aspects of "god" through gender.

Posted by: Marianne at September 29, 2004 08:46 AM

Wow, who knew Jonathan was so sensitive? And, maybe this is me being weird, but I prefer people to call me Tiffany.

Thank you.

Posted by: Tiffany at September 29, 2004 10:43 AM

And Tiffany you shall be. I'm only sensitive to being called retarded & patriarchal by strangers on a blog who've read maybe 30-45 words I've written in my life. Marianne, understood, I had no intention of critiquing anyone's religion (although I had suspected our loafing host of being an atheist, which may make this whole conversation kind of moot).

Posted by: Jonathan at September 29, 2004 12:14 PM

I said that men are tards... not Jonathans!


Posted by: Tiffany at September 29, 2004 12:38 PM


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