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I think it all ended for me on dec 12 2012. We all know life is shit and what ever joy we can suck out of it is short and fleeting and pointless. But it really sunk in the day a boy murdered 20 children in an elementary school and it didn’t change a single fucking thing. Nothing changed. Nothing.

We all just shrugged and said “well. I guess that’s just how it is.”

We all went on living with it.

I have never recovered from this incident. Never. I cannot imagine the parents of those sweet sweet kids. I have donated what stupid little money I have to them. But it doesn’t matter.

The anniversary of my mother’s death is coming soon and I miss her and I am angry and I am sad and I watch the world and I see my boys and I just cannot even breathe. I try so hard to teach them kindness and love and patience, to be better to be different to not be what the world tells them to be, and I just fail. Every day I fail and so I rage and I wish this entire horrible rotten human experiment would just end already.

I give up on you, universe. I give up. You vote that man into office? But turn away from 20 six year olds shot dead?

I don’t want no music tonight.

For all that is good and beautiful in this world please please Kamala Harris… do not endorse Biden. I beg you.

I’m on my knees.

Please.

I am so proud of my Democrats and I could not be more impressed with Schiff. An opening statement for the ages. And of course, Pelosi has been nothing but a magnificent goddess and I am so sorry for all the foolish things I’ve said about you in the past, I was young and arrogant. I didn’t know! I DIDN’T KNOW forgive me. You are my spirit animal.

But it’s depressing. Because even as I sit here, in complete awe of my party, I am filled with despair and tired sad rage. Because it won’t matter. None of it will matter. It’s all so clear and obvious. Everyone knows it. And it won’t matter. He’s still going to get away with it.

These republicans, these comic book villains, how can they do it? How can they surrender any sense of self respect for THAT guy? I don’t get it. Not one of them can say “this is not worth the price”? Not a single one values anything above him? HIM?!?

Look at him! The person they’ve chosen to worship and follow without question. Why? My brain just can not grasp it. They’ve given themselves over to an impulsive, petulant child, ruled by his {small} dick, his deep deep insecurities, his unbound jealousy, his racism, his sexism, his fear of and need for validation from the unwashed masses.

I hope these shameless senators get voted out in 2020. Only they probably won’t. Because America is full of lazy, stupid morons who think it’s funny and cute to be lazy, stupid morons. It disgusts me how they walk around with pride about it, like it’s a badge of honor, not knowing what is happening, as if being informed is something to be ashamed of.

Fuckers. They deserve what they get. We all deserve what we get. I’m super bitter that I will fall with the rest of these fools, but as we go down, inside INSIDE I shall soar, knowing I am clean. I AM CLEAN. We are fighting for what’s right and that matters.

I never expected him to be removed but sure, I had my fantasies. That little sliver inside me that refuses to give up hope for a better side humanity to emerge. It is my burden to carry. But I refuse to feel bad for believing that things will get better. I’m a moron, too. I know.

Coming soon: my impeachment hunks calendar. For those who love hunks and politics and democrats and calendars and justice and joy and hope and decency and honor and courage and all good things.