I think it all ended for me on dec 12 2012. We all know life is shit and what ever joy we can suck out of it is short and fleeting and pointless. But it really sunk in the day a boy murdered 20 children in an elementary school and it didn’t change a single fucking thing. Nothing changed. Nothing.
We all just shrugged and said “well. I guess that’s just how it is.”
We all went on living with it.
I have never recovered from this incident. Never. I cannot imagine the parents of those sweet sweet kids. I have donated what stupid little money I have to them. But it doesn’t matter.
The anniversary of my mother’s death is coming soon and I miss her and I am angry and I am sad and I watch the world and I see my boys and I just cannot even breathe. I try so hard to teach them kindness and love and patience, to be better to be different to not be what the world tells them to be, and I just fail. Every day I fail and so I rage and I wish this entire horrible rotten human experiment would just end already.
I give up on you, universe. I give up. You vote that man into office? But turn away from 20 six year olds shot dead?
I don’t want no music tonight.