A few months ago I purchased these little seed kits. One was lavender and one was… mint? Basil? I can’t remember. I threw away the boxes and I didn’t mark which one was which. Anyway they both started growing and I was excited. Then I dropped one and broke the little eggshell container and the soil went everywhere. I did my best to save it, replanted it in another container.
The one I didn’t break has been doing great. It remained in its little eggshell container and it’s lovely. I was really hoping it was the lavender one, because I like lavender a lot. It’s purple and it smells good.
But it’s not. It’s the mint/basil/other one.
The lavender one is trying though. It’s trying real hard. I don’t know why it’s not doing as well. Maybe I put it in a too-large container after I dropped it?
But look. It’s not dead. It’s not dead! Not yet anyway. Maybe I should try moving it to a smaller container but I’m afraid I’ll shatter whatever delicate constitution has kept it alive up till now. So I’ll just keep watering it and sunning it and giving it a little plant food now and then. And I guess just be glad the dumb mint/basil/whatever one is thriving. Whatever.
I have some other news. Hanging on my balcony are two little lanterns, really just for decoration, they serve no useful purpose.
ONLY NOW THEY DO.
One of the lanterns has a glass pane missing (cause I broke it, breaking things is what I do) and a little bird found its way inside and built a nest. I am very excited about this. You don’t even know. At first I enjoyed watching her bring all the nest-making bits, leaves and twigs and tufts of stuff. That took maybe a week. And now I enjoy watching her sit in it. She’ll leave for a little while and then come back and then just sit there. It’s really very stupid how much I like this, how interested I am in it. No one is allowed to go out there right now because I don’t want them disturbing or stressing her out. I mean, I can go out there, because I’m like the guardian and the bird knows this of course, she trusts me, I’m sure of it.
I know there will probably be a lot of bird shit all over the balcony soon enough. But guess what I don’t even care I just love having a nest there, all private and quiet and safe.
Can you see her? It is hard to get a picture. But do you see her? Her little tiny bird head. I love her. I love her so much.
So these are the things I’m focusing on right now. My little budding plants and my little tiny bird. It is soothing to me, like a cold wet washcloth on my hot feverish forehead.
It is hard not to be sad right now, crippled by fury and helplessness. But if I can just keep these plants alive… if I can help this bird keep her eggs safe… well then, that’s something. That is something.