I need to get pregnant!

Quick! I need to get an abortion! And then get pregnant again so I can get more abortions. I’m already almost out of time, my eggs are way past their expiration date. But still. I WILL SPITE ABORT TILL I CAN SPITE ABORT NO MORE.

I tried to get a couple of abortions already but apparently no one will perform one in the 50th trimester. MY BODY MY CHOICE.

But I swear to god if one more fucking Democrat asks me for money I am going to lose my mind. We showed up. In droves. You assholes have done nothing. And just stop with your lousy bullshit excuses. I’m looking at you Pelosi and Schumer. As a friend said, your arrogance and hubris have run their course.

I’m so mad. but also… well, I give up. let it all fall.


The next speech

I think for my next toastmasters speech I am going to do the plot of a movie, only pretend like it’s my real life. I won’t make it seem like a joke at all, I will commit to it fully.

I hope people who keep doing real, sincere speeches don’t take offense. It feels like I’m making fun of the club. And I kind of am, a little, but not in a mean way. In a nice way!

And after all, the whole point is to get better at talking in front of other people, so the actual content doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter! It’ll be fine.

Only I may have set myself up for failure by making people laugh with my first speech. Now everyone will expect this. It’s a lot of gd pressure.


Currently, a disappointment

I admit that I never cancelled my Spotify account. I know. Okay? I know.

(Of the things I should do but don’t, the list is long. let’s not get into it.)

So I still have Spotify. I have tons of my own playlists. There is one particular playlist in my library that I enjoy, but it isn’t mine. It belongs to a boy I once knew. (One of my most favorite things about him was his taste in music.)

We are strangers now but I was grateful to have this small piece. A lot of fun new discoveries in there, plus a few familiar and forgotten favorites. He changed it up a lot and I was always finding something surprising.

Imagine my disappointment then, when I realized tonight that the playlist has two collaborators. Him and his wife. I’m not sure if it’s always been that way? I don’t know which songs are his and which are hers.

It was nice, having a tiny secret window into his world. Only it’s a tiny secret window into THEIR world. Sure it’s still got all that great music but it doesn’t feel the same, now that I know it isn’t just his.

I didn’t before, but now I feel weird and creepy about it. I am relieved Spotify doesn’t alert him when I listen or look at the playlist, god how mortifying.


I am such a good public speaker

Well guys, I did it. I finally gave my first toastmasters speech. I was so nervous about it. I kept putting it off, because I didn’t want to do it. It is only four minutes but I churned about it for weeks.

It’s just the first speech, we have to give like a gazillion more. But it’s nice to have this first one out of the way. And it went so well! I was surprised. I have a friend/coworker in the group and I knew she would like it. But everyone loved it. They loved me AND my speech. I even won the “best speech” vote for the day. I feel like sally field.

The title was “how to give your first toastmasters speech” and it was all about… giving your first toastmasters speech.

So it was real dumb, but I made people laugh and that’s all I care about anyway. you can read it here if you want. I referenced a few other members’ speeches in my own, which won’t make sense to you, but the group loved it.

Even though I’m trying to eat better (shut up), I also like to reward myself with food (shut up), so I treated myself to a chocolate malt today (shut up). Tomorrow I’ll treat myself to a salad.