I got the good vaccine

You would think with how much I love music that I would be a great musician. Or how much I love reading and literature, a great writer. Or how much I love space, a great cosmologist (and/or astronaut and/or astronomer).

I am none of these things but that’s okay, because I did get the Moderna vaccine so I am feeling pretty smug right now.

I’m such a good little pooper

I have reached the “age-related medical procedure” phase of my life. All the doctorly things they do to old people. For our health. Our protection. Our age. It’s kind of expensive and not very fun. But what else is there for me now? Doctors and hospitals are the only place left in the world where I get to experience real human contact, and they HAVE to take care of me.

Today was colonoscopy day. They also did a GI endoscopy. That’s right! Getting action in both ends. Just like the old days.

So yes, the prep was horrible, as advertised, I disliked it very much. but the procedure itself was a breeze. They knocked me out completely with the Michael Jackson juice, so no complaints.

but I would like to brag about my BBPS score. That’s right, I got a 9. What is BBPS, you ask? It’s the Boston bowel preparation scale. You get scored on how well the prep worked (aka how much poop was left in your colon) and 9 is tops. I basically got an A+ in my bowel prep. I’m both proud and relieved. I poop with the best of them.

I have a few issues, nothing fatal. sigh.

I won’t give up. Something somewhere in this body is going to kill me.

Bergamot and vetiver

So we have just entered into the fourth year of our Colorado life. Crazy, right? It’s been three long, very short years.

Ry has started his senior year. My sweet, peculiar, precious little bean, 17 now, in his last year of childhood. My catcher in the rye my Ryland island my king of night vision my king of insight.

Hold on a quick second while I throw up endlessly forever until I die.


And my little baby zucchini? Well, nickel tickle has begun the shit show that is middle school. Sigh. no more elementary school sweetness for us. not anymore. No siree, from here on in it’s all grossness and rudeness and betrayalness and heartbreakness and pubertyness.

Hold on a quick second while I cry endlessly forever until I die.


But for reals though, how did I get here? To this state. To this age. To these milestones. To this moment. what has happened.

I don’t think I know how I feel about any of this. Has the pandemic robbed me of all emotion? Is being so wretchedly old robbed me of all emotion? Are the imploding fractal nightmares of this miserable world robbing me of all emotion?

I do not know. But it doesn’t really matter now, does it. Feelings. Sheesh. EYE ROLL.

But I can say one thing for certain: I like living in Colorado.

I think. I think I like living here. Maybe I don’t. But I think I do. Maybe I do. I probably do.

Perhaps 3am on a school night is a bad time to consider these things? In four hours I’ll be dropping them off at school; taking ginger on her morning walk; falling asleep at my work computer; stress pooping because why not; obsessively playing the Harry Potter game on my phone until I am 300% numb; questioning why I am unable to make an omelette; cursing your name.

I broke something on my site and I can’t get my images to load correctly. But if my images were loading correctly, here is where I would put a picture of you that recently popped up on my phone, under the guise of “memories”, and let me tell you it was a real gut punch. I was not ready to see your face like that. When I go LOOKING for your face that’s one thing but when I’m just idly going about my day and my phone decides to turn me upside down by saying “hey girl, yoohoo! Lookie here. remember this? Good times right? lol you stupid cow.” And really it is just not fair. And no I won’t delete the pictures. A) they are mine and b) are you insane? What is even the POINT of depression and loneliness if I do healthy things like eliminate triggers?

Oh. Great. It’s 4am now. #coolcoolcoolcoolcool #coolcoolcool


I understand that I have a lot of deep seated mental and emotional issues, with high levels of anxiety. I probably need professional help.

But there is one simple easy thing I can do to almost immediately improve my physical and mental health.

Drink more water.

It is the most effortless but effective activity I could do for myself and yet I resist. Why? Why can’t I do this? I have unlimited access to clean and safe water, but somehow, drinking the necessary amount to keep my body hydrated and healthy remains an impossible task.

What is wrong with me? Just drink a few more glasses of water a day, Christa. That’s all you have to do. Nothing could be easier. You pour some into a cup and you drink it and then you’re done. It takes 30 seconds.

In the meantime I will just keep watching old CSI reruns and dying one dehydrated day at a time.

Life is just so stupid.