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What can I say. Another dark day, in a time of so many dark days.

It’s hard to live during the fall of an empire. I need an advice book or a helpful how-to. A fun little cartoon video to guide me? An instructional on how to stop scromiting?

we can rail against the Republican machine that led us to this moment, and with good reason. but the people I’m most angry with today has to be my own party. They have failed us. We did what we were supposed to do and they failed us.

Do you remember people telling us how much we were overreacting? Back in 2016? I do. We cried and grieved because we knew what it meant and others told us “calm down it will all be fine.”

So I guess this is fine? It’s all just so fine.

They really do need to roll back the regulation on the good pharmaceuticals though. if they want us numb and compliant, well then give me the good drugs damn it.

woke up to an email the other morning from HSN (home shopping network), thanking me for my order.

I guess I watched HSN and bought a pair of Birkenstocks? #ambienbuys

I’m kind of excited though. I haven’t had a pair of birks in a long time. they were my favorite shoe and I wore them year round, which was easy enough to do in Arizona.

a friend suggested I try ASMR for sleep. I’m not a fan. Most videos are intolerable to me. I hate them in fact.

I thought I did anyway.

then she sent me a link to this video and something flipped inside me:

https://youtu.be/nu6AUl3UlF0

The appeal is a combination of her whispering voice, the sound of the unwrapping paper, the unexpected clinks of the glass. She also does this subtle but constant clicking noise that I found soothing, not annoying. When I listened to it, I immediately started feeling sleepy. My head tingled. My body got heavy. My ears felt like I was underwater. The whole thing made me feel slightly uncomfortable, but in such a weirdly pleasant way.

I think everyone is probably susceptible to one kind of ASMR video or another, it’s just a matter of finding the right one. There seems to be a wide range. I cannot stand the sound of eating or cooking, or office sounds, especially typing. Others love it. A friend did not like the whispering voice of my tea video lady, she doesn’t like whispering at all, she needs full voices and talking.

What if these videos/sounds tap into some primal memory inside us, like when we were infants. Or even deeper, like from the womb. Or maybe even before that.

Now I’m on a quest to find more videos like this tea one, I have yet to find something that causes a similar reaction. But I’m sure it exists!

These videos seem safer and better for me when I can’t sleep. certainly less embarrassing than ambien-watching the home shopping network.

Always it’s the bruins. Even when they do stupid things like fire Bruce Cassidy. Even when my one true love, #37, is maybe retiring, and my heart will hurt forever. Even when they crush my hopes and dreams, over and over again, year after year.

BUT now I’m an Avs fan, too. Cause: a) I live here b) they’re fun and exciting and good c) their jerseys are cool d) I really want to go to a Stanley cup parade again

also I will root for any team playing against stupid Tampa Bay (who in my very correct opinion was basically handed the Cup the past two years because of Covid). I guess they’re a good team and know how to win but eye roll.

And let’s never forget: fuck Florida and everything in it.