loafe.com

I got this record in the mail yesterday. No note or hint as to who sent it.

But whoever did it knows me! Knows that rogue one is one of my favorite movies. That I love buying records. That I love getting surprise packages in the mail.

So who is it? Who is my secret admirer? Who loves me this much? I looked up the price of the record. $75! Wow. I’m really making an impression on someone.

I spent a few hours fantasizing. Absolutely delighted with it all. Was it ****? Or maybe ******? No no it had to be ****** of course it was him.

Turns out the person who knows me so well, who loves me so much, is… me.

I preordered it like four months ago and it finally came and I just totally forgot about it. Maybe it was an ambien purchase? I dunno.

The point is I bought it for myself. My imagination got a couple hours of (slightly embarrassing) fun and now I have a new cool record. And further proof that the best person for me is me.

I told a friend about it and he said there should be a site like that. An app or something. Where you buy yourself stuff that doesn’t ship for months until you forget about it.

I don’t know why normal people would want this but I think it’s a great idea, so don’t steal it.

I got invited to a party last night. And instead of going, I stayed home and watched a mindy project marathon. With commercials. On one of the worst channels on cable (the e network).

But wait. that’s not the sad part.

The sad part is that I had a much better time doing this than going to any party.

That normally would have been the highlight of my week. But no. The highlight of my week (maybe my life?) was seeing the salary of every single person in my company.

Let’s just say I’ve been obsessed. It is delightful and shocking and thrilling and upsetting. And I can’t even tell anyone! Ahhhhh!!!!! The greatest thing to ever happen to me and I have to keep silent. This world is full of injustices.

Look, my beans are getting all floppy. I need to get them some support. Some little trellises. Is that the plural of trellis?

I need to get them something to climb.

maybe for me too.

I’m down at the bottom, busting at the seams, and I really need to find my own trellis.

I spread like strawberries. I climb like peas and beans.