I took a sleeping pill like 3 hours ago and instead of making me sleep it just made me feel like I’m in a stop motion video. Everything is all choppy and disjointed but in a continuous way. Also, gray.
now it’s like almost morning or something and I AM STILL AWAKE and somehow I ended up subscribing to the NYT how am I going to undo that, stupid nyt no one’s impressed with you.
I’ve decided my new yarn project is going to be a bag of dicks. Let me explain. First I’m gonna crochet a bag. Then I’m gonna crochet a bunch of dicks. And finally, I’m gonna put all those crochet dicks in the crochet bag. Tada. Bag of dicks.
What then? Well then I’m gonna give that bag of dicks to someone who is a bag of dicks, or needs to eat a bag of dicks, or suck a bag of dicks? I’m not sure, it is unclear to me at this moment what insult I’m going to use it for, but it is definitely an insult.
Cause usually I say “oh that guy is a jerk! Go eat a bag of dicks!” but also sometimes I say “what a bag of dicks you are.” Or like maybe “tuukka can suukka bag of dicks.”
But hmm maybe I should not give a lovingly crafted beautiful yarn project to someone who is (or eats or sucks) a bag of dicks? Not much of an insult. “Here, person I do not like, take this lovely yarn bag filled with lovely yarn dicks, that I spent hours and hours making with my own hands, touching and stroking and crocheting.” Would you feel insulted? No you’d feel pretty special. Pretty rewarded. That’s the opposite!
How about this instead: you, my friend, can fuck right off with a big old bag of dirty dicks. and I’m not gonna give you those dicks I made. No! Go find your own! Asshole!
I do still want to make a bag of dicks tho. My auto correct keeps trying to get me to say bag of socks. Fuck off!
I’m going to bed now, stop motion bed, good night and quit being a bag of dicks. Just stop.