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December 15, 2004

winter solstice.

Itís that time of year again and if I havenít already said it, Iíll say it again. Boy am in the holiday spirit. It must be because of Ryland. Heís made everything in my life brighter and better. It feels so good to have my own family, to know that Iím building the sort of memories and traditions that I have right now, with my family. Iím making that foundation for Ryland. It feels so freaking cool. Iíll stop and think and imagine years down the line, when my son will come home for christamas and bring his girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband and weíll laugh and talk and drink and remember past holidays and be all jolly and merry together.

I just am so in love with that idea, which is probably a bad thing because if it doesnít happen Iíll be devastated and by stating my desire for it now Iím undoubtedly jinxing it.

So Iím not religious and I still do the whole christmas thing, because thatís how it goes. And I was all worried about what to do with Ryland regarding this particular holiday. I certainly donít want to instill in him this sense of materialistic expectation, but itís fun to give and get presents and you try telling my family that weíre not going to do the whole christmas thing. They already think Iím a weird enough person and a weird enough parent. Tell them Iím nixing the santa/christmas deal and Iím sure theyíll have me locked up.

Anyway, like I was saying, Iím not religious. But I do have spiritual beliefs and I want to give Ryland some of that spirituality. And there is just something so perfect and comforting about this time of year, as if the cooler air somehow thins the barriers between worlds and waves, dimension and time. I want this to be special for him, for us. So when I read about what my friend Marianne is doing, I felt so much better. Weíll call christmas christamas, which of course we should all be doing already, and weíll do winter solstice and Iíll teach Ryland about being spiritual and how to blend it in with the way the rest of the world celebrates. Itís perfect!

Heís still just a little baby right now so if I donít get it quite right this year, it will be okay.

By the way, if I could marry Marianne, I would. Sheís quite seriously the most influential person in my life and her depths, complexity and intelligence surprise me every single day. But I have to say, it really upsets me how my family (and probably most everyone else who knows us) thinks that I worship her and follow her every word and do anything and everything she says. They give me no credit, like I donít have my own mind and my own choices and am smart enough and strong enough to think for myself and come to my own conclusions. I happily admit that she is a positive influence and strong and steady force in my life, but people should be thankful and happy that I have someone so in tune with the world looking out for me. But I know this so thatís all that matters.

This time last year I was busy making Ryland. I had no idea how my life was about to change so dramatically, no clue as to what was happening inside me and what my body was preparing to do. So many changes over so little time... Itís a little scary and a lot seductive.


Posted by christa at December 15, 2004 01:05 AM

Comments

Well, not to worry because I am pretty sure you can't worship someone you have hot lesbian sex with and we have hot lesbian sex ALL THE TIME, that's how I get you to do everything I say...people are so stupid, as if you would do anything I say just because you WORSHIP me!

Posted by: Marianne at December 15, 2004 06:46 AM

Well then Have a Merry Christamas then...
That Tom Watson is a good read......

Posted by: DG at December 15, 2004 07:09 AM

indeed, merry christamas to all, and god(dess) bless us, everyone!

Posted by: jonathan at December 15, 2004 07:19 AM

I found a new interesting blog/cultural/peronal/experience type website.
It may be worth a good look through.
WWW.Leftcoastlove.Com

Posted by: DG at December 15, 2004 09:41 AM

You're an amazing source of completely random information, DG....

Posted by: brasten at December 15, 2004 02:08 PM

Ive been accused of being a great repository
of useless information. Useless to some perhaps, but I always find great joy in it.
I like to find random things because variety keeps my brain functioning, especially when the project I am on becomes boring and repetitive.
But you have to admit sometimes it can be interesting.
I would come up with more technical and historic stuff, especially russian and military but I dont on Christa's site in deference to her pacifism,wich the sensitive and intellectual side of me completly agrees with.
Have a good day Brasten!!

Posted by: DG at December 15, 2004 02:32 PM

I bought Okkervil Rivers first album.
I listened to it last night. I picked up the phone and then ordered the second album. It is very pleasant.

Posted by: DG at December 17, 2004 07:09 AM

I got my grade back from Visual Basic 6.0.
I got an "A" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I move on to Visual Basic.net and
Data Base Concepts featuring Access and SQL and .net!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: DG at December 20, 2004 07:07 AM

 

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