live, love, loafe

October 22, 2004


Every Thursday morning, Ryland and I go to the hospital where he was born for the breastfeeding support group they hold. I started about 2 weeks after he was born and have gone to just about every meeting since then and I really enjoy it. Itís great to be around other mothers and babies, sharing our experiences and offering help and suggestions. Itís only an hour and a half, but I look forward to it every week.

And today, one of the women from my childbirth class was there. I was surprised at how happy I was to see her. I sat next to her and we chatted most of the meeting and then, at the end, the best thing happened. She suggested that next week, after the meeting, we go to lunch together! I was so happy. Inside, I was jumping up and down, giddy with glee, screaming YES YES YES YES I LOVE YOU LETíS GO TO LUNCH I LOVE YOU. I was able to contain myself and agree, in a very pleasant and uncrazy way, that lunch would be very nice.

I feel like Iím about to finally go on a date with a guy that Iíve had a crush on for years. So now Iím all nervous, worried that Iíll mess up and say something stupid and she wonít like me anymore and then itíll all be over. But this is huge for me. I felt so adult, so grown up and real and womanly. Itís hard to explain. But Iím a mommy and next week I and my baby will be having lunch with another mommy and her baby. Could I be any more civilized? Could it be any cuter? Could mommy and baby lunches be the best thing in the whole wide world? I think so!

I left the meeting today glowing. I am so dorky that it embarrasses me, but I canít help it sometimes, even when I try. Mommy friends are hard to come by and Iím actually making one all on my own!

So after that, I started thinking about friendships in general and boy are they curious beasts.

We all have different groups of friends for different times and areas of our lives, different aspects of our personalities.

For example, a few weeks ago, I was in Phoenix, attending a little party of my friend Marianne. Another very close friend of mine, Theresa, was also there, as well as several of Marianneís friends that we had never met (we=myself and Theresa). And Ter and I started talking about how weird it was to see OUR friend, Marianne, with other friends who werenít us. Cause we were like the core group, the original group, and she belonged to US and it was disconcerting to see her with other friends. Kind of like ďwhat the hell...who do you people think you are?Ē and we laughed about it. But it wasnít in a bad or negative or mean way, just in a funny, weird way.

Theresa has lots of friends that I donít know and whenever I see her with them, itís like ďUmm, excuse me, Theresa is mine, thank you very much.Ē In fact, at that very same party Theresa brought a friend of hers that I know but am not too close with and I get that little protective, almost possessive feeling of ďUmm, just what exactly do you think you are doing with my Theresa? I knew her first.Ē Only not so crazy sounding.

I thought the same things with Marianneís friends. Sure they may see her much more often than I do, but she still belongs to me!

So Marianne and her friends in Phoenix all have this connection that Iím not a part of; Theresa has a group of friends that I am not associated with; Gina has her friends in the crazy old South; heck, even my pals here in Tucson have their own separate groups that donít include me. And again, this isnít BAD, just...interesting. We all have our different groups, whose purpose fits various needs.

Right now, finding new mommy friends who I can connect with has become a very important priority of mine. Iíve got this new prospect at the support group, plus a woman named Theresa here in Tucson who has two kids and who has been very helpful and supportive. Making new friends is hard work though, baby or not.

Iíll end this rather long, rambling entry (Iím on autopilot, typing with my eyes closed, so cut me some slack) with a salute to the Red Sox. Any team beating the Yankees in the postseason is a beautiful thing--the Red Sox beating the Yankees in the postseason is an inexpressible joy. No amount of celebration does the feat justice. And I only lived there for four years! I canít imagine how lifelong Bostonians feel. It is almost as great as the D-backs beating the Yankees in 2001 for the championship.

Oh and for an eye-opening look at the peril of Halloween costumes, read this recent entry from Marianne.

Posted by christa at October 22, 2004 02:58 AM


Your post made me think about all TWO of the friends I've made in the crazy old south in the 7 years I've been here. One of them went crazy, left her husband and went back to Michigan. So that leaves me with one. Anyway, I know what you mean. I'd like to make some Mommy friends too.

Posted by: gina at October 22, 2004 07:29 AM

Um, not to sound all cheerleadery, but I really would encourage both of you to join your local MOMS Club. I met all of my fabulous mommy girlfriends there (and also some really bitchy ones, but that is another story), and even though it took some time to forge some good bonds, at least in the meantime you can talk about poop and vomit and other baby and kid related things. Because really, whenever a group of moms is together that sort of thing is talked about. Anyways, go to and find out how to contact the group in your area!

The first few months I was staying at home I was so lonely I didn't know what to do with myself. I thought a lot about friendships too, and I remember the first time another mom invited me and Chris over for dinner I was the same way as you were, Christa, all excited and I felt like such a grown-up. That friend has since become my bitchy ex-friend that I write about, but hey, it was a start!

Posted by: Marianne at October 22, 2004 08:16 AM

I am glad Ryland is working out on so many levels.
You said you needed this life situation to change
in a postive way and it seems the case!
Did you see this anti-conservative pie throwing incident in Tucson?:
Also The Croutons website is inactive, is their a connection?

Posted by: DG at October 22, 2004 09:58 AM

Trust me, no connection to the Croutons. I knew where at least ONE of them was last night. The other I take NO responsibilty for.

Their website is probably inactive, because they aren't a band anymore. You should ask Morgan about it. Better yet... ask VIC why they aren't a band anymore. Yeah, that's a great idea.

I'm glad I thought of it.

In other news..... PIXIES tonight in Phoenix!

Posted by: Tiffany at October 22, 2004 10:48 AM

Thats too bad, I liked "C3PO is a British Robot"
It made me laugh. And the same time!!!

Posted by: DG at October 22, 2004 10:58 AM

Yeah, it is too bad. Maybe I'm biased, but I happen to think that my husband's songs are genius. C3PO was always a crowd pleaser.

Posted by: Tiffany at October 22, 2004 11:31 AM

The Croutons domain expired? Huh. How 'bout that? Well, we're playing next weekend at Hotel Congress for Halloween. We're opening up for The Romantics - That's what I like about YOU! I wonder if I can FTP in and get all my stuff off of there. Somehow I doubt it.

Posted by: Morgan at October 22, 2004 02:47 PM

The Romantics??!! I saw them at the Stadium in Chicago circa 1980. I thought they where great. They opened for Joan Jett, and came out in these red leather jumpsuits, and where visciously pelted with beer cups and refuse. I felt bad for them and did not like JJ for years because of that. But I have some of her better albums from the nineties (Pure and Simple) and I think she is great.

Posted by: DG at October 22, 2004 02:55 PM

I feel the same, we all have friends which give us what we want in a place and time,and we give to them what they need hopefully.
And some are special which we don't really want to share.Funny how that works?.
Even from a none parent point of view though i can understand why you would be so happy about lunch.It's like being welcomed ito a new group of friends with open arms which you can suddenly relate to.
Hope you have a good lunch and don't worry everything works itself out in the long term.

Posted by: Clivey at October 22, 2004 07:06 PM


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