live, love, loafe

June 23, 2004

email, part 2.

Okay. I believe I finally have my email woes cured. I wonít go into detail about the issues, but everything seems to be in proper working order, so letís keep our fingers crossed. Just know that the problem was my fault, because Iím a doofus. I was trying to set up a forwarding thing and I ended up creating some sort of loop and it was all just a mess. Never mind, it isnít important. What matters is itís all fixed, so email away!

I got into a huge argument with my mother on Monday, in which she basically told me that I am to blame for all of her stress, her high blood pressure, her poor health and the fact that they only have $1200 a month to live on. I am not sure how all of this is my fault, but clearly staying with my parents until I can manage to find a place to live is not going to work. But I have two lovely lovely friends who agreed, in fact insisted, I stay with them until I can move.

I gotta say, I really hate all of this. I really hate that I am about to turn 30 and I have no house, no car, no job, no money and a baby on the way. I hate that almost everyone I know in the world is thriving in their adult lives, with real adult problems and real adult solutions. I really hate that the person I am depending on is a 22-year-old boy who loves me and loves my baby, but not quite as much as he loves drugs.

I really hate that Iím smart and capable and strong yet I canít seem to make my life into something functional and good.

But there are things that keep me afloat. My friends. I love that I have such amazing friends. Everywhere I look, there are these people surrounding me who care about me so much and would do anything to help ensure my happiness. And not just because Iím pregnant. The other day one of these friends was saying to me how lucky she felt because she had such cool, wonderful friends. And I told her that it says something about her, that if she finds herself among so many good people, it means that she herself must be pretty cool. And I can tell myself that right now, when Iím feeling so low. These people that I love and admire and respect so much truly genuinely enjoy and love me right back. I canít be so bad after all, can I?

Anyway. I am tired of talking and thinking about depressing subjects (aka my life). I will talk about something happy. On Monday, I signed up at Target for a baby registry. It was so much fun. I got to walk around with that little scanner gun and pick out all these neat things for the baby. The best choice I ever made was deciding to keep this little guy inside me.

In other news, I almost got a really great job. It wasnít a high-paying job, but it looked fun and rewarding and challenging and a good opportunity. The company loved me and wanted to hire me, but guilt and responsibility overcame me and I had to tell him that I was pregnant. I didnít want to abandon them in 2 and a half months when I leave to have the baby. I felt that they needed to know going in that I would need some maternity leave soon.

But I guess I did a good job of hiding the pregnancy, because they were very shocked to learn this news. They were kind about it, happy for my upcoming motherhood and appreciative that I told them. And of course by law they have to still consider me for the position, otherwise it would be discrimination. But I made it clear they didnít need to worry about me causing any sort of trouble for them. I said in a couple of months, if whoever they hired wasnít working out, give me a call. And that was that.

And for those of you who know me, you will be shocked to learn that I let two of my friends buy me a maternity dress. Yes, it is true; Christa has been wearing a dress, a real actual dress. It made them extremely happy and I liked the dress and felt it looked okay, so it all works out.

Good god, what is Ryland doing to me? Now Iím wearing dresses? This might very well be the 1st sign of the apocalypse.

Posted by christa at June 23, 2004 01:49 PM


Just promise me you wont start shopping at baby Gap or put your kid in little Tommy Hilfiger overalls. Glad the pregnancy is going okay, but sorry to hear how much your current living situation is sucking. I can relate though, when I lost my job and had to move in with my mom, was pretty hard and depressing. There I was 30 years old, no apt, no job, no boyfriend, on antidepressants and living with my insane mother and two cats, oy vey! but I made it through and so will you, keep your chin up! glad you have friends who have offered to let you stay with them. You're more then welcome to stay with my friend Kristin and I if you should ever feel the desire to come to Seatle (hint hint) get your baby hooked on latte's right from the start ;-) I know we dont talk much these days, but you're in my thoughts and I wish all the best for you. I know you have a B-Day coming up, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i'm gonna be 32 in 5 short weeks, can you believe that? I know I sure as hell dont FEEL 32, sounds entirely too grown up, that isnt me. Seems most women my age are getting hitched or having babies and here I am perpetually single and dateless most weekends, but hey, atleast i'm not settling, I suppose there's something to be said for that. Someday i'll meet Hugh Jackman, make him fall madly in love with me and we'll make lots of beautiful little australian babies together, Yee Haw! :-) but in the meantime I have my alcoholic ex, drunk dialing me at all hours of the night, declaring his undying love for me, gee, how lucky can one girl get? Anyhoo, Take Care, Chica!

Posted by: celly belly at June 23, 2004 02:41 PM

Christa, life will get better. I promise. There are ALWAYS very difficult parts of life and then there are always the good parts. They don't always happen evenly but they do happen. Really. Just hang in there - the little guy needs you and when he arrives, you'll find you can draw strength from him as well.

Posted by: Lynette at June 23, 2004 03:42 PM

So do I need to re-email you the 3 very long, detailed and interesting emails I sent you last week? Oh - I need your address to send you some presents. And, your phone number so I can call you tonight and make everything all better. Oh, and a maternity dress? Did you buy those damn stretchy jean shorts from Target? They are THE most comfortable pants you will own. Do it now. They are only 15 bucks.

Posted by: gina at June 23, 2004 04:42 PM

That's right, folks, a DRESS. And not only is she wearing it, she looks so freakin' cute in it! Oh man, I'm so glad that Michelle and I made you try that on!

And, on a side note... I love you, Christa. I can't imagine you being ANYWHERE but where you are. Safe and happy with your "two lovely friends".

Of course, you staying has its price. You do realize that you can leave anytime you want, but Ryland has to stay.

Thank you very much.

Posted by: Tiffany at June 23, 2004 04:52 PM

oops I crapped my pants.

Posted by: Morgan at June 23, 2004 07:22 PM

Morgan, you have crapped your pants two or three times. I do not crap my pants. I eat bran cereal.

Bran cereal allows me to hold it inside until I must use a restroom.

Posted by: Eiji Musashi Yoshikawa at June 24, 2004 05:37 AM

Hey - this has little to do with you Christa - but a lot to do with funny! I was describing the gross mexican candy that kids used to eat in school to my very Virginia-like co-workers and that led me to try to find some mexican candy on the internet, which led me to this very funny review of one such product.

Christa check it out, and let it be a springboard of inspiration for your next loafe entry.

Posted by: gina at June 24, 2004 02:12 PM

Dear god, the baby-boom shopaholism's kicking in already... ;o)

Posted by: Flip at July 1, 2004 04:26 PM


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