The Elusive Perfect Pillow.

I am on a Great American Quest for a Great American Pillow.

I don’t know that means, but I do know that I need a good pillow, one that is firm and reliable and ideal for side sleepers and not made of bird feathers and costs less than $30. I’ve gone into some stores recently and perused their pillow selections, and I honestly do not understand why someone would buy a pillow, A PILLOW, for $150. I don’t get it. Why? Why would someone do that? Could a pillow really be that fabulous? Because I’d want a hell of a lot of action from a $150 pillow. Serious, hardcore action.

I believe that it is lack of decent pillow support that keeps me from getting a good night’s sleep. That and this damn baby rolling around inside me. I had to pee only around 9 hundred thousand times last night.

I have a $150 pillow. I actually have two. It is not worth it. They are very nice and perhaps the best pillows to ever exist in the pillow universe. But they are are about 15% better than a normal pillow. Thus the lackluster value.

The terrifying aspect is that I cannot throw away these pillows. Because one cannot simply throw away $300 in pillows. Which is not bad of itself, but when combined with a fear of germs and bacteria attacking my face during my sleep, it is downright beheadifying.

I used to buy a new pillow every two weeks and change my pillow case every week. That satisfied my need for protection against germs and bacteria. However, now that I have these very nice pillows, I am fucked. Fucked in the face and fucked in the ass.

So don't buy the pillows.

Once you find a good, yet affordably priced, pillow let me know. I bought one of those giant, long pillows from walmart for like 10 bucks. While cumbersome at first, I like it a lot now! Get one! It is good for supporting everything while sleeping on your side, and when your feet swell up, it doubles over nicely for the perfect height to rest your feet on. I don't have a very good head pillow, and for a couple of weeks I had a stiff neck because I was using 2 pillows that were too high and they did something weird to my muscles. Anyway. My mother in law has very nice pillows - I think they are the 100% down type, not the feather type. Those damn feathers poke you eventually, no matter what type of down-proof cover you have on them.

What about those memory foam type pillows? I almost bought one, but they seem like they would smoosh down and flatten like a pancake??

Whatever you do, don't get one of those sobakawa (I can't remember the exact spelling) pillows you see on tv. First of all, it's a pillow filled with something like barley and when you try to sleep on it, it sounds like there is popcorn popping right in your ear all night long. It's awful.

I have one of those memory foam type pillows. I actually have two. The good memory foam won't smoosh down and flatten like a pancake, but it almost feels like it does. Thus the memory foam is not that helpful for side sleeping; it's more for back sleeping, in my opinion.

Let me also say that I have heard from a friend that has a memory foam pillow that he likes side sleeping on it. But he has a very light head. I have a heavy head. A heavy head sinks into the foam and can give the owner of the head a feeling of suffocation and/or claustrophobia.

I believe a light head does not sink as far into the memory foam as a heavy head. I have not observed this to happen in practice. But I believe it is true.

My friend also has no hair. I have some hair.

If you have a light head, perhaps memory foam will work for you. If you have a heavy head, you are like me.

I have one of those 'temperpedic' memory foam pillows that I got at Bed Bath & Beyond. It was somewhere in the neighborhood of $60 (which seems crazy to pay for a pillow) but I've had it for at least 18 months and it's still no smooshed. I love my plllow! I used to have to buy a new pillow every 3-4 months and it's been a long time since I bought that thing. It takes a little while to get used to but it's a bargin, I think. I'm a side sleeper too, but do not have a baby inside me. Hope this helps.

I have a very heavy head, what with all my genius brains in there and all.

thanks for everyone's suggestions!! I shall take all of this into consideration when I go to purchase my next pillow...