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Today’s soundtrack:

https://youtu.be/0_z_UEuEMAo

https://youtu.be/nSoe-5bMFb8

So tomorrow is the first thanksgiving I won’t be spending with my children.

I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it. I thought I was okay. I am okay. but I am also just now a little sad about it (maybe it’s the music). Only just a little. Not so much because we won’t be together. I see them constantly, we are always together, every single god damn day, I don’t get a chance to miss them. And they’ll only be gone for dinner, not even the whole day. No big deal.

But it feels like a milestone. The first crumbling cracks. This is the start. The beginning. Of the end. You know? Ryland’s last thanksgiving as a minor. MY minor. He’ll still be here next year, I’m sure, and we will have plenty of thanksgivings in the future.

But it’s changing.

It’s all changing.

There is a horizon we all walk towards, we don’t even see it, except for now and then, for a brief second, out of the corner of our eyes, as we turn our heads, as we take a quick breath.

So tomorrow they have thanksgiving with their father, not with me, and it is okay. but I’ve finally caught more than a glance of that new (old) horizon. it is unmoving, and clearer now than it ever has been.

this time. these days. all of it. the path is shifting; so slow, so subtle, but my god with such swiftness.

Sometimes, someone who is maybe not sexy to me at first but is very funny can become sexy.

And someone who is sexy but not funny? Well they usually stay pretty sexy, but they’re not as interesting.

Paul Rudd. definitely cute. definitely funny. an absolute delight in all things. We love him.

But sexy? I dunno.

He is attractive and of course I’d have sex with him, like, A LOT of sex. But he’s too goofy to be sexy. He doesn’t seem mean enough. Even when his character is supposed to be mean, he’s still so goddamned affable, you know?

I need a little meanness. (or a lot)

But maybe that’s because there’s something wrong with me.

Just to be clear though, People magazine is utter shit and I’m sorry I even mentioned it.

I just saw a “reconstructed image” of Jesus’ face by researchers using fancy technology, and my first thought was “well hello Jesus” and it reminded me of something, and that is I’m an embarrassment of a human. And a horn dog.

A few months ago we hired a new web dev guy and he was introduced during one of our monthly virtual staff meetings. Most of us have our videos off during these calls but the new guy turned his on while he was being introduced. And he was super cute. So of course my immediate reaction was to say, out loud, “helloooo Travis” but all moody and seductive like.

Which is fine, it’s just me and ginger here, and I always make sure I’m muted during these meetings, mostly cause I fart a lot.

Except for I WAS NOT MUTED and the EVERYONE IN THE COMPANY HEARD ME.

I didn’t even realize it at first. until all my work friends started messaging me “omg Christa” and “lol” and “that was amazing.”

I was mortified. Should I just kill myself now or wait until after the meeting?

My friends all assured me it wasn’t that bad and only they knew it was me and it was funny and blah blah not to worry no big deal haha.

Then Travis quit like a week later.

So you do the math.

But for reals though, Jesus was a real fox.

So, who’s your favorite character in bob’s burgers?

Mine is definitely Tina. And then, among the rest of the immediate family, it would probably go: louise, linda, bob, gene.

But if you’re including all the characters from the show, the regular and semi-regular, my list would be more like:

• Tina
• Gayle
• Jen the babysitter
• Marshmallow

Then everyone else.

Remember the episode when bob let Tina drive in that parking lot and she crashed into the only car around?

I also like the way she runs. And the way she groans when she’s anxious.

I think about bobs burgers a lot.

Another question. Do you think it’s an insult to tell someone that they remind you of bob? I think he might take it the wrong way. It’s true tho.

Also I’m thinking I want a velour tracksuit.