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Yay! A list! After all these years.

Shows I Hate Hate Hate and Are On Endless Rotation, Due to the Great Power of Syndication, Just to Torture My Sleep Deprived Brain:
-family matters
-home improvement
-full house
-becker
-the district*
-fresh prince of bel air
-married with children
-access hollywood
-entertainment tonight
-extra
-extreme dating
-blind date
-elimidate
-yes dear
-the nanny
-west wing
-street smarts
-fear factor
-matlock
-all those judge/court programs
-celebrity justice
-just about everything on E!

Listing TV shows I hate is a fruitless endeavor I don&#146t know why I do it. TV is a fruitless endeavor I don&#146t know why I watch it.

And syndication, you wicked wicked beast, I curse you and adore you. You give me my Simpsons and my Seinfeld and you kill me with 7th Heaven, over and over and over again.

And can I ask why they are STILL airing Suddenly Susan? I&#146m not kidding folks. Just because it&#146s at the ungodly hour of 2am and it&#146s on Lifetime does not make it right. We of the 2am crowd deserve better. I am raising and nuturing our future, and as he suckles my teat, I am left to endure Brooke effing Shields? Why does the world hate me so.

Speaking of the suckler, Ryland was four weeks old yesterday. Four weeks! egads. He&#146s getting too big too fast. They weren&#146t kidding when they said this time goes by quick.

I can&#146t go for 30 seconds without talking about my baby. How sad. What has become of me, Vera.

what has become of me.

You know, I used to be annoyed with gwyneth paltrow, but lately I&#146ve been a bit smitten. She&#146s been doing lots of press for that new movie of hers and when she talks about her daughter and being a mother, it&#146s very sweet. She says so much of the same things I am feeling and experiencing. It&#146s really cool. She&#146s totally my friend.

I need to learn some good baby songs to sing to my boy. Does anyone know of a good resource (re: free) to learn good happy fun baby songs? I know a few songs, but only in a lame half-assed way. I make up a lot of songs, but they&#146re very stupid and I think Ryland is beginning to suspect something about his mother.

* I had no idea this show even existed until I saw the reruns on USA or whatever channel it&#146s on. I didn&#146t actually WATCH the show, because honestly…it has craig t. nelson in it. craig t. nelson. honestly.

Baby girls definitely have the market cornered on cute outfits. But Gordon has refused to let me dress Ryland in girl clothes, even though I think he would look absolutely adorable. Men have such hang-ups, sheesh.

I love getting gifts. I do, I love it. And I love getting gifts for Ryland. Especially from strangers. It makes me feel that much more special.

Here is my sugarball in a very very cute outfit from a very very pretty and sweet girl named Amanda. I don&#146t know Amanda but I have it on good word that she&#146s the sort of girl that I would want to share a lesbian experience with and who am I to argue with that?

Anyway, Amanda recently sent me an outfit, out of the blue, without ever having met me, out of the goodness of her heart, and couldn&#146t you just die at how sweet that is? So Ryland and I lovingly and loafingly thank Amanda and give her a big hug for being so nice. I am kidding about the lesbian thing, but Amanda is a swell girl and I wish she had a web site or something I could link to, but unlike some people, she&#146s actually cool and therefore has a life outside of the computer/internet.

I also hear she&#146s effortlessly skinny and gorgeous, ergo I hate her.

I lost my free internet. it was nice while it lasted, but we knew it couldn&#146t go on forever. nothing golden stays.

I was sans-access for a few days and I&#146m now currently piggybacking on my neighbor&#146s connection but he&#146s moving out in a week, so I better figure something else out.

Tonight, with great sadness, I watched the last bit of pro hockey for a very long time. I&#146m happy Canada won the World Cup, but I am upset with the whole crazy NHL/CBA mess, from the players to the league to the owners. They&#146re all a bunch of children.

Since Ryland was born, you wouldn&#146t believe the amount of television I&#146ve watched. There isn&#146t a heck of a whole lot to do all day and all night long when you&#146re feeding and rocking and playing and talking with a baby. It&#146s hard to read or concentrate on much of anything these days. I tend to nod off to sleep every spare second I have and TV makes that much easier. I also use it to keep me company. It&#146s just me and Ryland most of the time and as much as I love the kid, his conversational skills are a bit lacking. It makes me feel better to have the TV on, like I am less alone. This whole week, Spike has had a CSI marathon. Constant episodes of the show. I had never seen it before, so I started watching it and now I&#146m crazy addicted to it.

I&#146ve also started watching reruns of Roseanne on Nick at Nite. That show was really funny.

Let&#146s see, what else do I watch? A lot of shows in syndication, a lot of Discovery Health and TLC and loads of stupid shows and movies no person should ever have to sit through. But what can you do. When it&#146s 3am and you&#146re breastfeeding, your options are limited. My friend Gina, who also just had a baby, suggested I start renting tons of movies and I think she&#146s on to something. Of course, she probably has a decent hi-fi setup.

I wish I had a big gorgeous TV and satellite and TiVo and surround sound and all that fancy stuff. I have a crappy TV that makes everything 10 times darker than it should be, lousy basic cable with stations that don&#146t come in very well, and my DVD player is the playstation, which has tremendously terrible sound. But it&#146s all free, so I should just shut up already and be happy for what I have. Still, a girl can wish, can&#146t she?

What else can I bitch about? Oh, I know. The appalling lack of electronic music here in Tucson. I&#146m not surprised, but it&#146s still very disappointing: the record stores here have the weakest electronica sections I&#146ve ever seen (if they even have an electronic music section at all); no good DJs come to this neck of the woods EVER; and you&#146d be hard pressed to find a club that actually plays decent trance, not just those cheesy hybrid concoctions of dance and pop that most people consider &#147dance&#148 music. I really miss Avalon in Boston. I&#146ve been looking at their calendar and I&#146m missing some great shows. And Wilco will be playing three Boston-area shows this fall. THREE! So far, the closest Wilco show to Tucson is in Los Angeles. The music industry hates Tucson, hates me and hates my baby.

Not that I have the time or the opportunity to be out and about and going to shows. So I guess I should be happy.

God am I tired. I maybe might be dead, I&#146m not too sure. My eyeballs are like two rocks wrapped in sandpaper. It amazes me that I&#146m able to function on three hours of sleep. That&#146s just about what I average a day. Yesterday I drove to my breastfeeding support group and I found myself drifting off at a red light. That freaked me out and kept me awake, but I should probably avoid driving right now.