television, new babies and music.

Since Ryland was born, you wouldn&#146t believe the amount of television I&#146ve watched. There isn&#146t a heck of a whole lot to do all day and all night long when you&#146re feeding and rocking and playing and talking with a baby. It&#146s hard to read or concentrate on much of anything these days. I tend to nod off to sleep every spare second I have and TV makes that much easier. I also use it to keep me company. It&#146s just me and Ryland most of the time and as much as I love the kid, his conversational skills are a bit lacking. It makes me feel better to have the TV on, like I am less alone. This whole week, Spike has had a CSI marathon. Constant episodes of the show. I had never seen it before, so I started watching it and now I&#146m crazy addicted to it.

I&#146ve also started watching reruns of Roseanne on Nick at Nite. That show was really funny.

Let&#146s see, what else do I watch? A lot of shows in syndication, a lot of Discovery Health and TLC and loads of stupid shows and movies no person should ever have to sit through. But what can you do. When it&#146s 3am and you&#146re breastfeeding, your options are limited. My friend Gina, who also just had a baby, suggested I start renting tons of movies and I think she&#146s on to something. Of course, she probably has a decent hi-fi setup.

I wish I had a big gorgeous TV and satellite and TiVo and surround sound and all that fancy stuff. I have a crappy TV that makes everything 10 times darker than it should be, lousy basic cable with stations that don&#146t come in very well, and my DVD player is the playstation, which has tremendously terrible sound. But it&#146s all free, so I should just shut up already and be happy for what I have. Still, a girl can wish, can&#146t she?

What else can I bitch about? Oh, I know. The appalling lack of electronic music here in Tucson. I&#146m not surprised, but it&#146s still very disappointing: the record stores here have the weakest electronica sections I&#146ve ever seen (if they even have an electronic music section at all); no good DJs come to this neck of the woods EVER; and you&#146d be hard pressed to find a club that actually plays decent trance, not just those cheesy hybrid concoctions of dance and pop that most people consider &#147dance&#148 music. I really miss Avalon in Boston. I&#146ve been looking at their calendar and I&#146m missing some great shows. And Wilco will be playing three Boston-area shows this fall. THREE! So far, the closest Wilco show to Tucson is in Los Angeles. The music industry hates Tucson, hates me and hates my baby.

Not that I have the time or the opportunity to be out and about and going to shows. So I guess I should be happy.

God am I tired. I maybe might be dead, I&#146m not too sure. My eyeballs are like two rocks wrapped in sandpaper. It amazes me that I&#146m able to function on three hours of sleep. That&#146s just about what I average a day. Yesterday I drove to my breastfeeding support group and I found myself drifting off at a red light. That freaked me out and kept me awake, but I should probably avoid driving right now.

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