#37. Always.

A sad day for hockey, for bruins fans, and most importantly, me. My beloved Bergy is retiring. It makes me even sadder how the 2023 season ended.

How can I watch hockey without Bergeron?

There is no one to replace him. On the team. Or in my heart.

Always, Patrice. Always.

I saw Oppenheimer. I did not see Barbie. I liked Oppenheimer. I am seeing Barbie this coming weekend. Christopher Nolan has redeemed himself after tenet. Fuck that movie.

FYI: Taylor swift show was unbelievable and amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I would go to her show again in a heartbeat. The little girls belting out every single song without rest or worry was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. These swift fans are truly bananas, but also they are sweet, harmless and so happy.

Ginger laid in bed with my this morning which she does not do often. I tried to get a picture with her. It did not go well.

I love her more than anything ever

And of course, I’m still real sweet on my guy. I do feel more for him than he does for me. Which is fine. Because when he tells me things like this, my joy is radiant and burns inside my soul forever:

We are better together.

He sees in me something special, something no one else sees. Has any man ever truly loved me? The real me? The real christa? Maybe Simon, but maybe not. There has been no man, no boy, no lover, no partner, to ever call me magical, to actually mean it, to want it and need it.

I am often confused by him, by his signals and his behavior. But he’s still here. He’s still dating me. So I’ll just keep trucking along till something changes.

There is one particular outfit that seems to work every time I wear it. It’s like Rachael’s cheerleading uniform in that one episode with JOSH-U-A. But I can’t wear it all the time! I need to find another sexy outfit. This one is just really good what can I say.

Bergy: always. Erik: always. Ginger: always. Insomnia: always.



Take me back for Christmas

Hallmark does a Christmas in July thing every year and I love it of course. they usually do a few new movies, too. I watched one of the new ones tonight called take me back for Christmas and it was cute enough and all. but I started crying at the end. Like really really crying.

The basic plot is how this woman wishes for a different life and then she wakes up in this different life. (they do this storyline a lot in these Christmas movies.) In her pre-wish life, her mom is dead, but in the new dream life, her mom is still alive. So of course by the end of the movie she has she learned all her lessons and discovered what is truly important, blah blah blah, and she gets to go back to real life, the one where she’s with her husband again, only her mom is not alive. But before she goes, before she leaves her wish, she gets to say goodbye to her mom. And it was actually really sweet and moving and that is why I cried.

Imagine being able to go back and say goodbye to your mom? I would like that. To see her one more time. Hug her. Smell her. Remember her. Just be with her.

Jeez typing it up even now is making me cry again.

It’s funny how you can be so okay for so long and then something happens and it triggers you and it’s just this heavy grief all over again.

Maybe it has something to do with Ryland having knee surgery today and me feeling a little vulnerable about that. Everything was fine and he is recovering well and it’s all good but that moment when they wheeled him away and I just stood there watching him go… sure he’s an adult now but he’ll always be my little boy and that protective feeling never goes away.

We are all going to be okay.


Rumspringa

He was the first one, in a text, after midnight: “happy birthday love.”

now I’m all heart and starry-eyed emojis.

He also got me a bday present.

Because he says I need options. Who am I to argue. Different shoes to suit my mood and/or clothes. These are the multi sport On shoes, because he knows I don’t do a lot of actual running.

Can I tell you how nice it is having someone care about me again?

In other news. Nick is back. And so ends my rumspringa. Hot heaux summer 23 is in the books. It was a lot of fun but I’m glad, because I am very focused on just one guy and I will do everything in my power to not screw it up. At least not before October, I want him coming to London with me.

Now I sleep.