The Christmas contest
I entered a Christmas contest recently, to be crowned queen of Christmas, and I want to win very very very badly. My entry was fucking amazing, so if I lose, it’s because RIGGED! FAKE NEWS! OBAMA!
But if I win, it will be the single greatest achievement of my life and I will be able to finally just die.
I should have put that in my entry. “If you let me win this, then you will be giving me the relief and release that I so desire: the sweet embrace of death. Help me finally end this miserable charade.”
Anyway. I don’t like Christmas because I’m religious. (lol religion.) Mostly I just borrow and steal from all kinds of cultures and traditions and religions, to make my own thing. I mean I DID grow up Catholic, so there is some strong Catholic Christmas stuff woven into every ounce of my being.
But besides that, I like making it more about paganism and Yule and the winter solstice and all these old rituals and observances that stand apart from Jesus and Christianity. (Note that I super love Christmas hymns.) and obviously there’s the whole consumerism part, which I also participate in (Santa Claus etc). I even like giving foil-wrapped chocolate coins, like the Hanukkah gelt.
Basically I’m just a thief and heathen and I don’t even care. I love Christmas and I will always love Christmas and it doesn’t matter how or why. Just let me be.
I’ll send you one of my infamous christamas cards, if you want. Just tell me your address. You won’t be sorry.
(You’ll be sorry)
And ALSO while the name Yule log might SOUND gross, it’s actually very delicious and you should eat my log.