loafe.com

Don’t you like how this place has become all about that dating app life? Me either.

But anyway. Met a guy for a drink tonight. It went well, except for HE DIDN’T SHOW UP.

Sigh. It’s fine I guess. I think he is married. And he was kinda weird. So it’s fine.

But of course now my brain is all “oh he showed up Christa, took one look at you, and then got the hell out of there.”

I don’t want to think like that but I can’t change who I am. And who I am is a desperately self-absorbed and insecure fool.

So I may take a break from this for awhile because I hate it and it’s making me feel bad. even though it’s kind of fun. but mostly just miserable.

I’ll focus on the gym instead. Cause I’m back with a vengeance baby!

Whenever I stop going, I always forget how much I actually enjoy the gym. So now I’m finding my groove again and it’s been great. I’m pretty out of shape, gonna take some time. I’ve started the very slow process of building up my endurance. So after the stairclimber I’ll do the treadmill: run for a minute, walk for two, rinse and repeat. And I’ve returned to group training classes, which are my favorite. Next up is body pump. And I’d like to find a good kickboxing class. but this is good for now. I’m not in my 30s anymore! I gotta take it real slow and easy, like the old lady I am.

My gym has these hydro massage chairs which I thought were such a stupid gimmick at first, until I tried it, and now I am obsessed. It feels amazing and also kind of makes me want to throw up when it hits certain parts of my body. But in a good way?

(It’s bad)

So I’ve been chatting with a guy who I thought was maybe okay, but then he used “dido” instead of “ditto” and now I’m moving to a convent.

You come and go

I have been sleeping terrible the past two weeks. Perhaps it has to do with my recent foray into the hellscape of online dating apps.

So I’ve take. A sleeping pill. Soma. No wait. I did not take soma I took zolpidem. Per diem. Van diemen’s land.

I wish I had a friend I can talk to about this stuff. Specific friend. Who I could share and judge and laugh and also learn and he is nice to me and he gives good guidance. But I’m left to my own devices and things are terrible.

Remember when Ashley would do my favorite body pumps. The ones not even in order or current. We’d do our favorite ones and she’d mix them up too. And also, remember her kickboxing class. I remembered the moves for many years but I can’t anymore. I want to ask her on Instagram if she’d make me that kickboxing routine on video and I’ll pay her. It’s weird right. I might do it anyway. Who cares. If I haven’t earned the right to be weird now

GUESS WHAT I AM GOING TO SEE MADONNA.

And Taylor swift I guess, but that’s for my sister.

I am going to Madonna for me.

I see a lot things happening when I close my eyes so I’m going to keep doing that.

Maybe this should make me feel bad but this (entirely one-sided) thread is so very funny.

I guess as a female on a dating app, I’m obligated to fuck every guy who messages me. But I didn’t know! I DIDN’T KNOW!

Stranger on the internet: Forgive me! I’m so dumb. I need another chance. Please, I beg of you. Look at how so chivalrous and confident you are. What a good man. I need this in my life.

I don’t deserve you. But take pity on this sad old lady: