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I hate Gordon. You want to know why? Because the bastard can’t gain weight to save his life. He blinks his eyes and loses 5 pounds. His metabolism runs so fast, he can’t keep up with it. He can eat and eat and eat and he’s still a skinny frigging jerk. Argh. It makes me want to scream.

As for me, I even think about food and I’m up 5 pounds. My metabolism is a slow burner, if it’s moving at all. I am sure if I were more active, it would improve, but even when I was a gym hound, went to school, worked two jobs and barely had time to breathe, I still had a lollygagging metabolism. If me and my metabolism were ever alone together in a room, it would be quite the laziness competition. That is if I didn’t strangle it first, because you know what? Fuck my metabolism.

So here I am trying to lose weight (baby weight I say, but that baby is almost 2 goddamned years old) and eat/drink those stupid meal replacement diet shake thingies, and he’s worrying about being too skinny and looking for ways to gain weight and eat MORE food. I hate him. I fucking hate him.

On a side note: I’m at work right now and the russian and dorky guy are flirting again, right this very second. I can hear them giggling and being weird and creepy. ewww. I am so embarrassed. they make me embarrassed. and get this, the girl has started dolling herself up now. being all pretty and tall and blonde. and for the dorkiest guy I’ve ever seen. ewwww.

someone, make it stop.

it has to be because he’s the new guy, that has to be it. It seems everyone is flirting with him, even the guys. But I don’t get it. He’s dorky! and not sexy dorky or cool dorky. Just dorky dorky.

people are so weird.

I think that it’s destroying me. I guess I’m like a drug addict…I think I can handle TV; I think I can take it in moderation, use it recreationally. But I’m just a fool. TV is too sexy for me, too hypnotic. It pulls me down and keeps me there, trying to convince me I’m happy and okay and not missing out on anything, that life is all fun and sun and easy answers.

But TV lies. It lies and it hides its dark side, says all the right words at all the right times, brings me back in just when I’m ready to turn away.

I’m not creative or productive or interesting or smart, because TV is all that for me. And more. It’s kind of like, “Why do it if someone on TV is doing it? That’s good enough. That’s my life there on the screen, that’s me. Not this inert brain-dead mass sitting in front of it.”

Then a show comes along, something like this new one on HBO called lucky louie, and I am sucked in with it and I say “well, you can handle it, it’s a TV for pete’s sake, it’s not going to kill you.”

Ha. I know better though. At least I’ll be entertained as I go down.

ryland just said rojo! I am so excited! Granted, it’s not the most difficult of Spanish words, but when you can’t even get him to say “mama” you take what you can, where you can.

and he keeps repeating it. It’s super cute, I’m sure my exuberance makes him say it more. I doubt he understands the word, or that it’s even a color. He just likes the sound of it, the shape of the letters in his mouth. but still, I’m very happy. rojo!

rojo!

all together now….rojo!

Watching/listening to two people in the office flirt makes me feel very uncomfortable. Especially when one of them is a single, mid-thirties, baseball cap-wearing dorky guy and the other is a young, hot, married russian woman.

Please go away and take your weird awkward flirting with you. It’s icky.