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I’m home now, after my trip to the Midwest. I visited with lots of family, new and old, familiar and strange.

I felt a lot of emotions during my trip. Good, bad, happy, sad. I’m still sorting and processing so maybe I’ll have more to say in a few days.

What I know for sure is that this summer has been particularly and spectacularly emotional for me and I’m on a Rollercoaster.

I loved being in Wisconsin. And now I love being home. I missed my bed and my ginger and my gym, my daily routine overall. But I especially missed him. Only shhhh I’m keeping this a secret.

I also got a new pair of shoes, which arrived today. I desperately needed them. And can I say how great they are? I love them more than life. And no it has nothing to do with the fact that they were recommended by him.

Now I sleep. more to come when I’ve had more rest and reflection.

Okay I found my new favorite gym class. Body combat! It’s kind of like kickboxing, the les mills version of it. I did it last night for the first time and I loved it so much. It was so fun.

Ugh how can I fit another class in my schedule! Ahhh!! I’m gonna have to double up on some days.

Gonna miss a few days of the gym cause we are headed to eau claire in a few hours for a good old fashioned Wisconsin family reunion. Probably gonna hang out with Justin Vernon. Gonna be real cool. See you in a few days! Cheese curds, here I come.

We are in it now kids.

After a tender, sweet very intense night, we said WORDS to each other. Words were said.

Have I not learned from my beautiful thom. Don’t get sentimental.

It always ends up drivel.

I have a regular dream where I’m with Eddie at his place, when his wife comes home. Sometimes she finds me and sometimes she doesn’t, but in all the dreams we never actually have sex. We are about to or it’s clear we just finished. But last night was the first time (that I remember) where we actually had sex in the dream. So she comes home and I’m laying there under the sheet and it’s all so awful and I want a hole to swallow me up, and their kids are there too, only they are young still and ahhhh!!

I don’t know why I dreamed about him last night. HE IS DEAD TO ME.

And it can’t be out of guilt. I’m not even seeing any married dudes.

Get one of my head Eddie Turd Face. we are not interested in your dumb turd face.

Maybe it has to do with my tinder boyfriend I’m desperately in love with. he pushes me away and then pulls me right back in and I’m helpless to resist. It’s actually very annoying. Be cool christa. BE COOL.

I don’t want it to be just sex but I don’t want to be just friends but I don’t want to be in a relationship but I don’t want to be alone. I’ll be glad when this new relationship energy phase goes away and I can figure out how I actually feel.

Even though this feels different than the NRE I’ve experienced with other men. But I’m not going to think about this. I’m going to ignore it. All I’m feeling is new crush excitement and it’s transitory and I’m fine. You’re fine. We are all fine.