Tonight after class I was chatting with my yoga teacher (who I am a little bit in love with). She said she doesn’t know what I do for a living but that she knows that I’m a healer, I’m an energy healer, it’s plain as day, and that it should be my full time job.
It tickled me, because coming from her it felt like such a compliment. And not just because I have a crush on her. She said it because she meant it.
I don’t feel like a healer of any kind, but you know, maybe I kind of do? I think I offer something a little out of the ordinary to the people in my life, the ones who are open to it. Some people say nay, some people don’t see it at all, and some people are vampires and try to suck it all out of me. Some feel it on a subconscious level and crave it desperately, but can’t understand why, so it turns them into frenetic lunatics (ahem erik). But some people… some people just get it and they are my true soul family.
So I’ve been thinking about it all night. This absurd idea of being some hippy dippy energy healer, and like… what if that really was my job? My life? Not working for a bunch of sexist stupid corporate dickholes, staring at a computer all day, talking about KPIs and audience conversion rates and making dumb digital graphics and media kits and setting SMART goals and wishing every night that an asteroid would destroy the world. What if I was doing something that felt powerful and magical? Important? What if my “job” was making a real impact in the world? Unseen, undervalued, but a crucial part of the pulse underneath it all.
Instead of being in 400 zoom meetings a day, what if I instead was cultivating connections with the universe, other people and, most importantly, myself?
When she said that to me, I felt a stirring underneath my skin. It set something ticking inside me. I can’t explain it. There was nothing and then there was something. I’m curious to investigate this strange new little space that has opened up beneath my rib cage. Maybe it won’t lead anywhere or mean anything. but maybe it will. Maybe a random conversation after 5:15 yoga with Shauna will change the trajectory of my life.
It feels important.
Anyway. I’ve got more fun planned tomorrow with my new friend and I’m pretty excited about it.
When I asked what he wanted to do, he said “let’s make it up as we go along” and then suggested we pretend to be tourists. Don’t you just love it? Because I do, the whole thing delights me. I enjoy his company and how he’s drawing me out of my comfort zone, in such a smooth effortless way. Bringing me along with him to discover the city we live in, and in the process waking me up from a dreamless sleep I didn’t know I was in. Or maybe I did. I don’t know.
Did he bulldoze over me and flip my entire world upside down (like someone I won’t mention again)? No.
What this new friend is doing is slow, easy, natural, normal. He might be turning my world upside down, but we are doing it together, in little pieces, while he holds my hand (metaphorically but also a little literally).
Then I see drew later. I don’t know what is happening there. I should have dropped this guy a long time ago but he intrigues me and I need something to pick at.
My life feels a little surreal right now. my social life especially. But work too. And parenting. And my upcoming yeeterus. just everything.
This fall is going to be interesting. There is a wind swirling around me, a crackling in the air, a shift in the lines. A slow build. Perhaps I can find (fall into) grace after all.
Wish me luck. Wish me love.
