A tinder tale: I’m not real I guess
I had what I thought was a promising date lined up for this weekend. while I wasn’t purposely going below my station, I definitely wasn’t going above my station, you know what I’m saying?
Anyway I thought he was cute enough. and he was funny, he made me laugh. Making me laugh is like half the battle to win my affections. And he seemed nice. I enjoyed his time. It was all great. the plan was to meet on Sunday up in the mountains (near his house) for a cute little mountain town date. It sounded fun and I was looking forward to it.
So all week long we have been chatting and laughing and getting to know each other a little better, waiting for the weekend and our date.
But then suddenly tonight he gets all weird with me. says I’m a ghost. He can’t find me on the internet. He has searched my name and my phone number and there is “no trace.” I laughed and thought he was just being goofy. but he was serious! he was actually mad about it! then he basically told me to kiss off. he came back a little later and asked me to “explain” why he can’t find me on the internet. For real!
I didn’t respond to him at all. Because like what the hell am I supposed to say to this? So I just ignored him. But then then get this. HE CALLED ME! Like some kind of lunatic. What. The. Hell. WHO DOES THAT.
I immediately blocked him and unmatched with him on tinder.
I don’t need this kind of grief in my life. He’s stalking me on the internet and gets mad because he can’t find anything? And then demands I give an explanation?
What the fuck is wrong with men.
I mean seriously. what is wrong with them?
Yes yes you’re right dude. this short chubby middle aged single mom of two is trying to seduce you with my below average body, all so I can go on a date with you and then… do what? I don’t even know. Steal your drum kit?
As Jenny Lewis says in her classic hot heaux summer jam: I’m not a psycho, I’m just trying to get laid.
This guy had a legit shot at my AP and he blew it.
There is maybe a date with a pilot on Saturday but probably not. He asked me some questions the other night in our chat that seemed innocuous on the surface, but actually gave me the creeps. I haven’t figured it out yet, I don’t know the secret key to unlocking top tier tinder. but I am learning to trust my instincts. so if a guy gives me a weird vibe then I’m gonna pay attention to that. This pilot is giving me weird vibes. Just like that surgeon doctor (who I also had to block).
Here is my advice. Don’t say weird shit.