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I did something very impulsive today.

As you know, Alt-J is having a 10 yr anniversary tour of an awesome wave. Tickets for the show here in Denver are crazy expensive. Last I checked, around $300 a ticket.

But see, I don’t just like this album. I looooove this album. Wholly and deeply. Not even love. It’s a part of me. It lives in my bones.

fuck it I decide. I’m just gonna do it. I click over to buy it, but I realized they are here Nov 29, and I’ll be in stupid Vegas for work. ARGH.

then I was just kinda glancing at their other shows, out of boredom and a little depression. the tour pretty much wraps up after Denver. But I see there are three shows in a small-ish, 21+ venue in Seattle Dec 1-3. I looked at ticket prices. One ticket is only $89. Hmm. Isn’t that interesting. Seattle isn’t that far.

Then I checked fights. Cheap crappy flight, only $75 RT.

HMMMMM. ISN’T THAT INTERESTING.

So I did it. I bought a ticket and a flight to Seattle for one day to see alt j.

I guess it’s not that crazy but it’s pretty crazy for me. I’m very excited. Fly in, see alt j, leave the next day.

It’s gonna be so great.

I considered Portland but since I’ll be there in late January for work I figured Seattle was the better choice. Plus the club is 21+ so no dummy kids.

Sometimes I understand things. Sometimes they make sense.

Sometimes.

What I am not understanding and what I cannot make sense of is this boy in my life. He is maddening. and magnetic.

You could tell me he is crazy in love with me and I would believe it. You could also tell me he can’t stand me and I would believe that.

In reality, it is neither of those things. He doesn’t love me. he doesn’t hate me. he doesn’t want me. but he doesn’t want to let me go. So I remain fixed under his gaze.

There are others. Boys who genuinely like me and my company. And I like them. I want them all. Boys boys all type of boys. Old boys, new boys, all the boys. Sometimes I feel like I’m Tina (from bob’s burgers), just absolutely shit brained boy crazy bonkers.

Why do they have to be so cute all the time!

I hate them. Every single one. You’re all the worst.

5 more weeks. Till sex. 3 more weeks till gym. I’m feeling pretty great. No pain. I want to go back to gym. I won’t. Will follow doctor’s orders.

But fear not, little bunnies. my sex drive has not diminished. This makes me pleased.

The real test will be in another several weeks. Will report back. My internet bot readers are so so curious.

So today was Simon’s birthday (I guess technically yesterday but whatever). I miss him. It makes me sad we aren’t even friends anymore. Cause I’ll always love him. He was my whole world. And then he wasn’t.

I hope one day we’ll see each other again. We will, right? I mean how can we just never ever talk again? That seems absurd. One day. One more time.

It’s the new blink 182 song, I had been thinking about him today driving to downtown, and then that song came on the radio, and I just really felt it. It hit kinda hard. And where he used to be is now just a hollow emptiness.

My best friend. I could tell him anything. He knew me in ways no one else did. He understood me. And I understood him. That sounds dumb. So dumb. But I don’t know how else to describe it. He changed me, and my life, in so many ways, big and small.

It was November when he first visited. There was a day of the dead festival in Tucson. For all its flaws, Tucson knows how to do a day of the dead processional.

and then today I stumbled into the Denver’s day of the dead festival. I wasn’t there for that, I didn’t even know it was happening. We were downtown wandering around, visiting museums, and then suddenly there we were. It was just very serendipitous and wonderful and it made me happy.

One day. One day. one more time. We’ll meet again.

I don’t particularly like watching live performances on you tube. They are often annoying, because I don’t usually enjoy when bands take my favorite songs and play them differently. Play it exactly the way it sounds on the album! Don’t try to change it up! Play it JUST LIKE THE ALBUM.

But these live performances are just incredible. Some of my favorites. They transform the feel of each song in strange and beautiful and surprising ways, without betraying me or the album versions that I so adore.

Take On Me. A great song but we have all heard it a million times so maybe it’s lost its luster a little? but this live version from a few years ago is arresting.

https://youtu.be/-xKM3mGt2pE?si=xrnJYxxRpjZsW-wP

Death Dream. This live version using fan footage is just so so gorgeous and aching. A gut wrenching song to begin with, made even more poignant now that he is gone:

https://youtu.be/1DWCxeVaRIs?si=nBLRcC6uPNiRWt1N

And finally, boygenius live on Jimmy Kimmel. I love this band so much and this song will never get old for me and I have the biggest crush on Julien baker and her performance here is quietly powerful and how adorable is it when they kiss her cheeks at the end?

https://youtu.be/WPYc7VC6M-Q?si=mMQRh5COC_N-RyNM

What are some of your favorite live performances on you tube?