I can’t find surrender and I can’t keep control
Sometimes I understand things. Sometimes they make sense.
Sometimes.
What I am not understanding and what I cannot make sense of is this boy in my life. He is maddening. and magnetic.
You could tell me he is crazy in love with me and I would believe it. You could also tell me he can’t stand me and I would believe that.
In reality, it is neither of those things. He doesn’t love me. he doesn’t hate me. he doesn’t want me. but he doesn’t want to let me go. So I remain fixed under his gaze.
There are others. Boys who genuinely like me and my company. And I like them. I want them all. Boys boys all type of boys. Old boys, new boys, all the boys. Sometimes I feel like I’m Tina (from bob’s burgers), just absolutely shit brained boy crazy bonkers.
Why do they have to be so cute all the time!
I hate them. Every single one. You’re all the worst.
5 more weeks. Till sex. 3 more weeks till gym. I’m feeling pretty great. No pain. I want to go back to gym. I won’t. Will follow doctor’s orders.
But fear not, little bunnies. my sex drive has not diminished. This makes me pleased.
The real test will be in another several weeks. Will report back. My internet bot readers are so so curious.