I don’t have that kind of time, people.
Having a kid is great and all, but he sure is a time suck, let me tell you. Everything I do during the day is with him, for him, because of him. And I only have one kid, a not quite part-time job, and the kid’s father to share the burden. I have no idea how parents of multiple children, single parents, and dual-income families manage. I am in major awe of their abilities and their successes. If I had to work full-time, or if gdawg was not around, I would fail miserably at being a mom, and I’m not doing that great of a job as it is.
It’s all my fault. I’m just too self-involved I guess, because it drives me nuts every single second of the day that I don’t have more me time. Pre-Ry, I never had enough time for me. In this new era, I see what a luxurious and stunning life I once had.
I feel like I am always busy, even though I’m never seemingly doing anything important; nothing culturally, socially, economically significant. It’s overwhelming to say the least, and while I don’t resent Ry or my role as his mother, I could sure use some non-mom awakening. I used to be involved in things. I did, I know I did. I can’t remember what things, but I was certainly involved. I used to care. I used to want to have fun and see other people and share and explore and learn; venture out at night, past 9pm, to places other than grocery stores and pharmacies.
What is interesting to me now? What do I feel passionate about? What new music, great books, or peculiar people am I investing myself in? I have no idea.
Here’s something: everything I own is being stored in the garage of Gordon’s mother’s house, until we are able to move into our place (yes, we’re still waiting to move in). Well, today, we discovered that a pipe in that garage had sprung a leak. Yes, I’m lucky it wasn’t a toilet pipe. But it is the drain for the kitchen, so icky smelly food water soaked a bunch of my boxes, ruining quite a bit and generally making just a huge nasty mess. I had to throw away a lot of shit, which is a good thing I suppose, as less shit = better life; but being forced to throw something away because of a fucking broken drain and choosing to throw something away because I know I need to simplify are quite different.
The world is just driving me insane. I’m being pulled in eighteen different directions and I’m ready to snap. Outside the normal demands of everyday life, I’ve got four very demanding, needy people constantly vying for my attention, and while four may not seem like a lot to you, I am on the edge, man, the edge.
Those of you unsure, the four people in question are: the kid, the boyfriend, the boyfriend’s mother, and myself.
On the plus side, if things ever get to be overwhelming, it’s got to be reassuring to know that in America today, you can just drown your children with no repurcussions.*
*There are some who know me that would have guessed that having a child now, I’d be less likely to joke about parents killing their children. But apparently those people don’t know me all that well after all.
Well, I’ve been doing this parenting gig for a while now and I still struggle with this daily, so it really doesn’t go away as far as I can tell. It does get easier as the kids get older, but then you usually just add more shit on, like going back to work full time. Yesterday when I got home I was getting the kids dinner and the husband was bugging me about me not having given him sufficient attention yet (I would like to think he was kidding, I’m sure he would like to think so too) and I was all “look, just tell me what piece of me you would like me to hack off for you today….you want my arms, my feet, my fucking HEAD?” That appeared to put the issue to rest. For that day.
The whole single mom thing isn’t really that bad. I’m able to keep the house clean, stay on top of the laundry, fix meals, etc… so much better than when I had a grown man to take care of. 2 year old Aidan is easier to care for than his 30 yr old father was. Wow. If I were still married, I have a feeling I would be doing most of the work when it came to Aidan, plus doing all the household crap. That would definitely get OLD.
Maybe what I’m saying is who needs men? (kidding)
Now, I don’t have a choice about the whole daycare thing, and maybe I’ve just convinced myself that daycare is a positive thing because of that, but I think Aidan is doing great. He’s not clingy (sometimes this breaks my heart), he seems super smart (I’m biased), he’s very social, and his caregiver adores him!
Plus, Aidan does live with his Dad 8 days a month. That is something that’s hard for me, but at the same time, gives me a lot of freedom that you don’t have.
I know you are looking for affordable daycare – have you checked the YMCA? They usually scale for income, and if the program is like what Aidan’s doing, it is really great. They might have a waitlist.
And that Andrea Yates story disturbs me. I don’t like thinking about it too much – but that was very funny :)
Marry Gordan, then divorce him, then Christa can have 8 weekend days off per month!!
Too bad you are not here, you could drop Ry off with one of us to give you some time.
Tell G’s Mom to go stick it and take care of herself and G can do the same.
On a lighter note!!
http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/
I totally feel your pain. If I could, I’d definately try to help ya out. You need a break and even if it meant me having to deal with Gabby and Ry for a day I’d baby sit him just so you can have some peace! I totally know what you mean about not having any “me” time. Unfortunately for me it will get much worse before it gets better with me being induced with baby Davies #2 on Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!
I miss the days when I used to be able to sleep until 9, hell, 10am! If Gabby sleeps past 6:30am its a miracle.
Hang in there though. After having so many sucky things happen, things can only get better from the suckage. Oh and btw – Rich finally got the crib together! Hooray! (See it doesn’t take much to make me happy)
Children are little blessings… much like pain theyre there to let you know your alive.
Looking out for yourself, child and bloke is all fine.. but when it comes to mothers-in-laws (or near enough) fight fire with fire… stubborn mule vs stubborn mule
http://www.ahajokes.com/farm023.html
i cant rent out a mule, but i have a deceptively vicious bunny.
Pretty funny story Frankie.
The knights looking for the Holy Grail in Monty Pythons movie to that effect had problems with a viscious bunny as well!!
I’ve always really liked that movie’s positive, ‘get up and go’, attitude for disabled people.
You mean the black knight ??
who else? :) never quits despite what life throws at ’em
Buenos Dios, Muy Caliente!!
hey, i’m back from holiday now. i had a lovely time too. is your email still all screwed up? if i send you something does it disappear into the ether? does it?