The hottest loves have the coldest ends
Normally I would be using the gym as a distraction for how miserable I feel. But I had to go and tear a calf muscle and now I’m an even bigger mess. I have nothing. NOTHING!
The desire and impulse to text him is intense. Overwhelming. My strength is tested constantly. But my friends are right. I will feel even worse after, with the fresh agony of waiting for a response. And there is no response that would be satisfactory. And it would be repeating the same nightmare.
But still, I obsess over it, thinking if I could just craft the perfect message, everything will be okay again.
I’m an idiot.
There is one distraction. I went to see a new boy tonight. it helped! Plus I actually like him. He’s curious and strange and interesting and makes me a little crazy because I have no idea how he feels about me. I think he likes me? He’s asked me to come over Friday. I said yes. He is going to cook me dinner.
I thought the lesson with this whole thing was that I am in fact open to the possibility of a relationship. Something beyond just sex. But that was stupid.
The lesson I HAVE learned is a good one: being vulnerable and opening yourself up to someone is never worth the risk.
These legs and my chilled heart will stay closed forever. Leave me alone, world. Let me be.