In the morning everything’s clearer
It snowed today. It made me very annoyed. To feel better about it, when I went to the gym, I did the IR sauna, the steam room AND the jacuzzi. So much sweaty warmth. It felt great. Then I came home and put on hockey and promptly fell asleep.
Sooooo. I think I am getting the brush off. Ugh. Even though he finally messaged and said he’d like to “plan a dinner.” I don’t think he means it. He just doesn’t want to say he’s not interested. Which is a bummer. I liked him. I didn’t think I would meet anyone I actually liked and then I did and he doesn’t like me.
what can you do. Such is life.
what if I never find anyone to like me ever again? Cause I gotta tell you, it’s beginning to feel like a very real possibility. I make jokes all the time about being alone forever, never having sex again. I didn’t actually believe it. Only now…well, I just don’t know.
Could it really just be my looks? God that is depressing.
It’s my mouth area. The pandemic mask-wearing helped, cause it covered the whole lower half. The part of my face that looks the oldest. See?
I’m pursing my lips here, but still. I didn’t used to look like this. And look at my neck! Everything used to be smooth. Now it’s all lumpy and saggy and squishy.
Sigh.
I need some heavy therapy. How do I learn to deal with getting (and looking) old? And finding self worth outside the attention of men? And believe that I deserve good things?
Or maybe it’s not my looks! maybe it’s my personality, and it’s just easier to blame my appearance.
I haven’t been to therapy in a long time and it worked before. It could work again. It would be nice not to feel so bad about myself all the time.