fancy pants lotion
I wish I could afford a jar of creme de la mer. I really do. It would probably save my life and make me gorgeous, turn my wardrobe into a collection of enviable artwork and inspire me to write the great american novel, for which I would win numerous literary awards and fame. At the very least, it would cause thom yorke and/or matt damon, vince vaughn, zach braff and owen wilson to marry me.
But I cannot afford it. I can’t afford one stupid tiny little jar of miracle moisturizer, so I’m left to suffer through a miserable, pathetic life, sans fame, literary glory, thom/matt/vince/zach/owen, nice clothes and all-around prettiness.
I guess I’ll just go put on my stupid oil of olay that I bought at stupid WALMART for a lousy 8 dollars, my stupid oil of olay that I had a stupid COUPON for, to save me a frigging dollar. You can’t even type the word coupon in the same sentence as la mer. Well, you can, but that’s the closest those two will ever be.
“cream of lamer”? the name conjures visions of a spastic masturbating. Still, if that’s what you wanna rub on your skin, more power to you. spastics need love too.
Hmm. Okay, a brief visit to Google’s translation service informs me that I have mistranslated the product name you reference, and that it instead should be called “Cream of the Ocean”, which is, while not as regpugnant as paying a spastic to rub one out on your supple cheeks, not particularly appetizing in and of itself. I mean… “cream of the ocean?” what the hell is that supposed to mean? Is there a sperm whale involved?
Scientific development
The cream was first developed by Max Huber, an aerospace physicist from NASA, who suffered serious chemical burns on his face and eyes after working with rocket fuels. During the course of his recovery, he went through a number of medical treatments and therapeutic preparations and then became obsessed with skin care.
The main ingredient in Creme de la Mer is sea kelp. As a keen environmentalist, Huber knew that sea kelp picked off the coast of California during certain times in the lunar cycle has excellent healing qualities. He then added other natural ingredients, including magnesium, potassium, calcium, iron, lecithin and Vitamins C, D, E and B12, as well as extracts from sunflower, alfalfa, wheatgerm and citrus.
So what’s so special about that? Well, Huber also invented a bio-fermentation process that is so precise that each batch takes three to four months to make. Yikes! The cream also goes through a process known as “sonic chemistry”, which works by taking sound waves from the solar system and wiring them into the cream as it ferments.
Creme De La Mer Prices:http://www.nextag.com/serv/main/buyer/OutPDir.jsp?search=creme+de+la+mer&node=0&x=12&y=6
I wouldn’t even spring for the oil of olay brand – I bought the “like oil of olay” but only costs $2 brand. I really see no difference. But, I did just spend $62 on a bra, and it really does make “them” quite lovely, if I do say so myself.
One word: Ebay!