The Dog Who Saved Christmas

Dogs and Christmas go hand in hand, according to lame holiday moviemakers.

If I died between now and Monday, I wouldn’t have to go back to work. hmmm.

I don’t want to die though.

If I made it LOOK like I died between now and Monday, I wouldn’t have to go back to work. hmmm.

Lately I’ve been wondering what the police and CSI folks would say about me if I fell victim to a serial killer. What would the doctor say about me in the autopsy? what sort of conclusions would they make about my personality based on the contents of my stomach and my handbag? Would they look at my DVR list and the music on my computer and the books on my shelves and my netflix queue and my magazine subscriptions and deduce that I’m really very awesome? I think if you’re going to die in some horrible way, a serial killer would be the way to go. At least then you’d be a part of something bigger. A random murder? An accidental murder? an act of passion? LAME. I want intrigue, mystery, excitement, craziness.

I wonder what souvenir the serial killer would take from my murder scene. If it happened at home, I’ve got a lot of cool things he could take. I’m not being sexist. ladies very rarely are serial killers. He could take a million different things. I just wonder so much what it would be.

Maybe I’ve been watching too much CSI lately. It’s our thing, G and I. It makes us feel good. and since we’re both home together right now, due to the economy and my maternity leave, that’s what we’ve been doing–watching lots of CSI. instead of you know connecting or making love or something along those dull lines.

You know who I hate? people who hate TV. I just hate those people. or even worse, people who say “Oh I don’t own a television” or “I don’t really watch much television” or “my family didn’t have a television when I was growing up; I am so glad we didn’t cause look how smart and fruity I am now.” And these horrible awful people who I hate, they never say TV. no they always say the entire word, television, like it means something.

instead of going to bed, I stayed up to get some work done and now that it’s 2:30am and I’m really tired and ready to sleep, the rotten baby has decided to wake up.

and this puts an end to another scintillating loafe.


A Dog Named Christmas

I have to go back to work on Dec 7th. I am very depressed about this. I suppose it will be a good thing, but I’m hard pressed right now to see how. You get into a groove, a routine, start to figure things out, and then the world says “no I don’t think so, it’s time to change it all. you suck.”

people all over are being laid off but not me. apparently, I’m not special enough to be laid off. I’m sitting here wishing my company would let me go, but nooooo. I have to be awesome. my work has to love me. I get to be told “oh if anything christa this maternity leave of yours has showed us how much we need you.” OF COURSE YOU DO. I’m working for acorns and stickers.

So now I have to go back to work and G gets to stay home and be Mr Mom and my little sweet baby will miss me because I’m his warm soft delicious mom with the warm, sweet delicious milk. He is going to wonder with his squishy little brain where I am, where did his mom go, how could she just abandon him like that. it makes me very sad.

I don’t have a breastpump yet, I have no idea how Nicholas will take to the bottle, I have a ton of work still to do this week, and I just hate the whole world. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. I just want to stay inside the house with my baby and watch the snow falling outside and sit in the dark at 2am feeding him, lost in the glow of the christmas tree and the endless quiet. just him and me and no one else.

The Ottawa Senators couldn’t beat the Bruins if the team was replaced with everyone’s grandmas.

the subjects for my posts through christmas are going to be the cheeseball holiday movies found on lifetime and hallmark channel, etc. today is a dog named christmas. a dog named christmas. yep. a dog. named christmas.

I’ve been spending too much time on my iphone. I keep hitting spacebar twice to put in a period. why can’t they make that a thing? Spacebar twice in every typing medium should always put in a period and a space. also, not that long ago I was looking up something on my laptop and I copied the text and then picked up my phone to paste the item into a text message. really, I did this.

I shall work on making an app that does this. that lets you copy on laptop and paste into iphone. I shall make millions.

now, for some photographs.

I like this picture. do not ask me why.
moving violation

and here is a pic of my boys. for better or worse.
my boys