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One of my most favorite books of all time is now a series on HBO?! How did I not know this? Did I know this? I don’t think I knew this was happening.

Ahhhh!!! I’m so nervous to watch it!! It won’t be as good as the book. How dare it even try. I’m just gonna end up disappointed and annoyed. I mean, I just watched a trailer and already I am suspicious. Deeply. THAT IS NOT HOW IT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK.

But I can be mature about this. In my head, if I keep the book and the tv show as two wholly separate things, well, maybe it could be good? It will be difficult to keep myself from constantly comparing the two. Ugh. I need help. I really wish I could watch this with my best friend, who loved the book like me. it is easier braving these traumatic book-to-screen adaptations with a fellow traveler. But he’s gone and I’m here alone. So.

Okay. I’m gonna watch it. I have to watch it.

“The bright side of the planet moves toward darkness and the cities are falling asleep, each in its hour, and for me, now as then, it is too much. There is too much world.”

The classic Christmas tale.

I think mine did might be “no fucking shit lady does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza!”

Okay so maybe I’m not “attractive” and sure, I don’t “dress appropriately.” I am not “sexually viable.” I lack good “parenting skills.” I’m not a “good mom.” I don’t own any “property” or have “good credit.” I don’t have “nice skin” or “good cheekbones.” I’m not “intelligent.” I am not a “good friend” to others. I don’t have any “talent” or a “profitable skill set.” I don’t follow a “healthy diet.”

The list goes on. Basically, I’m not a “good catch.”

Except for two things. I have two things going for me, two unassailable and sublime things that belong to me and no one else. You’ll go through life and meet special people the world over, people who have all of the things above, and more! things I don’t even know how to spell probably.

But they won’t have what I have, not like I do: my taste in music and my sense of humor. I am unmatched. I have no confidence in anything, except this.

I didn’t get here alone, of course. Many years, many people, many situations, all working together in strange ways, shaping and influencing me. They are the most crucial aspects of my entire existence, my humor and my music, and what I like most about myself.

So if I were a person who was or had any of those things I listed earlier… well, maybe more people would like me and want me, maybe I’d be happier. We’d have better lives, I guess. but jeez, I don’t think I’d like it. I wouldn’t have this little peculiar blend of magic in me, and it’s just so electric. Without it, I’d be so boring, so oblivious and dull.

I’d rather be this way, be this particular christa, because happiness isn’t what makes me happy. Music and laughter, and the stories in them, that’s where I belong.

(In other words…I looked at my Spotify 2021 Wrapped. It’s ~chef’s kiss~. again. What can I say)

I am very bitter.

I guess Christmas miracles only happen in the movies. Le sigh.

Anyways. whatever. Who cares. I don’t need a stupid contest to tell me I’m a winner. I kinda do but fine. At least I have a funny and neurotic dog who won’t leave the tree alone, and she’s very cute and I love her very much and here is a picture of her being very interested in the tree, and it won’t show up because this dumb site stopped showing my images and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m posting anyway.

Ginger is the best. Here’s another pic of her you can’t see. well it’s on my Instagram you can see it there I guess. So pretty in the snow on Friday. She likes the snow a lot.