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I didn&#146t think a bra existed that could replace my absolute favorite, the unlined, full-coverage Body by Victoria bra. I don&#146t know what it is about those bras, but it is the most comfortable, supportive and flattering bra I&#146ve found. (For whatever reason, Victoria&#146s Secret website says it is &#147new&#148 but I&#146ve been buying it for at least 2 years now)

But then they came out with this, and it has surpassed all previous bras. It is truly fabulous. I still get full-coverage (which I very much need) and it&#146s still unlined, but get this…now it&#146s racerback! And front-closure! I can&#146t believe how comfortable it is. Racerback bras are really the best invention in the world. If I could marry racerback, I would.

I know it is pretty lame to get excited about new bras, but I can&#146t help it. Good bras are so few and far between, especially when you have not exactly small breasts.

So girls, no matter what your size, I suggest the new racerback bra from Body by Victoria.

Right before work, I stopped at the grocery store to get a muffin and a juice and there were all these little old people doing their shopping. It was vCute. They all came together on a yellow school bus and they had their hats and their coats and I thought that maybe getting old won&#146t be so bad, if I get to go to the grocery store on a yellow school bus with a bunch of friends. I don&#146t know, maybe all those people weren&#146t friends, but it sounds like fun, doesn&#146t it?

Maybe it&#146s just me.

Two of my best friends are about to turn 30 in February. I am pretty freaked out for them. I wish we could all be together and celebrate/mourn as a group, but they live in Arizona and I live here and there&#146s work and school and kids and all sorts of stuff in the way. But I really need to do something special for them. Anyone have any good ideas? What would someone facing down the evilness that is TURNING 30 (please say in a deep, booming, dooming voice) want? I myself wouldn&#146t know since I am not anywhere NEAR turning 30.

Sad but true: I still have winter solstice gifts for my friends that I have not sent. But I will! I promise!

Alright. It&#146s true. I am thinking of holding some sort of loafe contest and whoever wins will receive a loafe prize package, which will include a book, a CD, some hand-crafted items, artwork, a beverage perhaps, and maybe a tasty snack. But what sort of contest could I hold? I do not even know.

Wait! I know! I could have a contest for The Best Contest Idea. The winner: the person who comes up with the most appealing contest idea. A contest about a contest! A meta-contest!

I think that perhaps I should win the prize package, because my meta-contest idea is obviously the best. But the whole reason there IS a prize package is because I have these items that I do not want (for various reasons, but not because any of these items are lame, because they are not lame, they are vCool). So clearly I cannot win my own contest.

I will have to think this through and then get back to you all with details regarding the upcoming loafe contest.

It is January 19th everyone. You know what this means. It is time.

Time to take down your decorations, your massive blow-up snowman and your icicle lights and your ridiculously garish nativity scenes, so lovingly displayed right next to your prized Mickey and Minnie Mouse set and jeez aren&#146t they so cute dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus. Get rid of the tree, clean up the tinsel and shelve the Christmas music. Please. I am tired of driving by your stupid house and seeing your stupid holiday cheer, so put it away already. It is mid-January and now is the time to be miserable and gray and cold; festive warmth is not wanted!

On a completely unrelated topic, the headphones that came with my iPod are quite nice, I have to say. I really like them, the sound is very good. The only problem is that they were built for a Giant Human with Giant Ears. Therefore, for someone like me, not a giant, the headphones are very uncomfortable to wear for any extended period of time. When I jog or exercise wearing them, they constantly fall out. Because they are too large to fit into my ear properly, even without the little black cushions! I cannot begin to tell you how annoying it is. They sound great but because I do not have Giant Ears I am unable to enjoy my iPod headphones.

And don&#146t even get me started on socks. Not everyone has ginormous* feet, sock makers! Some of us need socks bigger than a child&#146s but smaller than a frigging potato sack!

*gi-nor-mous(jie nôr’muhs) adj.
1. a combination of gigantic and enormous.
2. a word only in Christa&#146s world.

The latest person to definitely NOT be invited to join my New World Order:
FIFA president Sepp Blatter. He just made the incredibly boneheaded suggestion that women soccer players should wear sexier, more feminine uniforms. &#147Tighter shorts for example,&#148 he says. Because apparently, the important thing in women&#146s sports are not their athletic ability, but how they LOOK.

Not only is this dirty old man not invited, but he&#146s first on the list to be castrated when the time comes. What a chump.

Hey, I know! Let&#146s drop the idea of uniforms altogether and just make them play naked. They are women after all, so who really cares about their talent. All we want are tits, ass and pussy! Come on Sepp! And forget that whole running around and playing sports thing, too. That&#146s for men. Let&#146s just walk them around on the field. Maybe get &#146em to make out with each other. Because who wants to watch a bunch of GIRLS play sports unless they are nude, right Sepp?

hmpf. Stupid bastard. Now I am all fired up.