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She is a speaker that we book fairly often. We get a lot of hate mail for her.

Why do people hate Helen Thomas so much?

Much of what we hear are derogatory comments regarding Helen Thomas&#146s appearance. This really pisses me off. As if the way she looks has anything to do with ANYTHING. I cannot think of a single time that I have seen a male journalist being criticized for his appearance. And there are a lot of ugly journalists out there.

My other rant today is about gay marriage. Obviously, I am supportive of gay marriage and gay rights. What annoys me is that while it is perfectly acceptable, encouraged in fact, for two women to get together and make out and have sex with each other, it is horrifying and wrong should those same two women actually want to GET MARRIED. Evil Evil Evil Lesbians! It is okay for you to be sexual with each other because it gives men erections, but it ends there girls! There will be no love or genuine emotion for each other! Sex only! No love! Love is for heterosexuals only! No soup for you! Come back, six months!

And honestly, those opposed to gay marriage really need to come up with a better argument than the whole &#147sanctity of marriage&#148 bullshit. There is no sanctity left anywhere in the US.

I think that the Phoenix Coyotes are slowly handing away all of their players to the Flyers. Over the past few years I&#146ve counted 7 players who have made their way to Philadelphia (including Amonte, Handzus, Esche, Markov, Burke, Roenick and Radiojevic). I am mostly happy with the current roster, but I was sad to see Radiojevic go, I liked him a lot. He was cute too and that is the most important aspect of any hockey player. Keep the cute ones, ditch the ugly ones.

My saddest moment was when the Coyotes traded away my favorite player (and boyfriend) Daniel Briere to Buffalo. BUFFALO! Briere is much too good to be on that team. And we got Gratton. Great. Wonderful. Let&#146s compare this year&#146s numbers and see who got the better deal. So far, Briere has 20 goals and 26 assists for 46 points and is +2. Gratton has 9 goals 13 assists for 22 points and he&#146s -11.

What a load.

Guess who is going to the most exciting music festival in the whole entire world? One certain lovely and amazing loafe proprietor that we all adore (that would be me).

I could never possibly describe the joy that this event will bring me. Well I suppose I could, but mere words cannot do justice. That is why I have prepared a dance that embodies all of the emotion involved in my attendance of the Coachella Valley Music Festival. (Those of you unfortunate enough to not know me in my 3D life do not get to see this dance. Those of you unfortunate enough to know me in my 3D life do get to see this dance.)

Did you look at that line up? DID YOU? I go to that site everyday and I still twitch uncontrollably as I read over the musicians appearing. I don&#146t even know who some of those people are much less what they play, and don&#146t you just love it? Can you think of a more fabulous festival? Because I certainly cannot. I mean honestly…Wilco AND Radiohead AND the Pixies AND the Flaming Lips AND Basement Jaxx AND the Crystal Method AND Air AND and and and!?!!

I die now; I die and go to Coachella heaven.

It&#146s time I had a little talk with my sleep patrolmen and the officials in charge of sleep quality. I am very disappointed in their performance. All of them are slacking on the job, letting in all sorts of riff raff, causing a ruckus, creating disturbances, failing to cleanup crime scenes, leaving everything a mess. It is making my sleep time uncomfortable and troublesome and I am not happy about it. They need to shape up or ship out! That&#146s right! SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT.

I will tell them as much at our next board meeting. Those boys need to be fighting off all those distractions and noises and keeping the pathways of slumber clean and safe so I may walk down them freely to a restful night.