measure of my success.

By christa 9 March, 2006 random

This past week I’ve been dogwalking for a guy at work. I love his dog super very much, her name is LuLu Jackson and she’s a bulldog and I love her and I love her some more. I’m not so fond of walking around after her with plastic bags around my hands and picking up warm piles of poop, but you know, that’s what you gotta do these days in the big city. Clean up your dog’s poop. You’d like, get arrested or something, if you didn’t.

Anyway, he’s got a pretty nice condo and I like it. I wouldn’t say I’m jealous really, because I’m not, but I look around his place and I think “I’d like something like this, something open and airy, a place of my own to enjoy.”

I start to think of what I need to do to afford a place like that. Finishing my degree would be a step in the right direction, and working mad-ass crazy is also necessary. Another useful aspect to my plan would be a partner who works hard, or at least gets paid decent money. There would have to be some sort of daycare/childcare/preschool situation for the kid, which is fine because I’m assuming that by the time I get around to putting my plan in action, he’ll be old enough for preschool. Or more realistically, regular old elementary school. Hell, let’s be totally honest…college.

But I still won’t consider myself a success, even after I get my degree, and a job I actually enjoy, and a partner who makes decent money, and a daughter in addition to my son, and a nice little place of my own, with lots of open spaces and comfy reading chairs and a big kitchen full of lots of things I’ll never use. I will feel very fulfilled and happy, but not 100% successful.

I realized today, when I picked up LuLu for her walk, that the true measure of my success will be when I can hire a cleaning service. When I can pay other people to clean up after my messy messy self. Then and only then will I feel complete. And I’m talking about a weekly, or even twice weekly (gasp!), type arrangement. I don’t need an everyday cleaning service. Okay, I do need an everyday cleaning service, but I’m sticking with my original plan for once a week. After I hit that achievement, perhaps I’ll raise the bar a bit and strive for more. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

It will be nice, that’s all I’m saying. To be able to pay someone else to clean my house. And having a house. That would be nice too. Having a house and paying someone else to clean it. yes. nice. all vNice.

bye bye birdies

By christa 25 February, 2006 random

In the AM, the boy and I are leaving for a week in DC. I won’t be posting during that time, but for those of you in the loop, there’s the e to the m (that would be email). I plan on catching George Bush with his hand in the cookie jar. Wish me luck!

Okay, so not really. I mean yes I’m going to DC but it has nothing to do with Boy Simple (that would be our president). I’m just going to visit my sis and escape the hell that has become my life here in Boston. I exaggerate a little perhaps, but only just a little.

Here is something you may not know about me. When traveling by air, I like to make sure I’m freshly showered and wearing non-ratty underwear and a bra that isn’t as old as the Clinton administration. If my plane crashes or something, I don’t want to be known as the Dirty Girl with Icky Underthings. Although of course should the plane actually crash, I doubt there would be anything left of my body, much less the clothing I’m wearing. But I can’t shake the urge to wear my nicer underwear pieces while flying the friendly skies. It’s just this thing I do. You should all do it, too.

We’re flying jetblue. I’m excited! a new airline for me! I’ll let you know if it sucks.

I think G maybe suspects I’m off to meet someone in DC, to start up (or continue) a torrid affair or something. Pure silliness, because everyone knows where my torrid affair participant lives. It certainly isn’t DC.

Anyway, I gotta hit the sack, but I wish you all a lovely week of non-loafing fun. see you in March!

go away, let me rest.

By christa 23 February, 2006 random

I am not sure what the universe is up to, but she’s trying very hard to remind me of the past and I don’t know why. Little things keep happening to say “hey remember this? what about this? look over there, I bet you forgot all about that, but I didn’t! See?” I am not actively seeking this out, believe me.

For example, I recently started working at my old job again, right? After I left in 2004, they naturally shut down my email address. Once I came back, they gave me my old email alias back, and it’s like I was never gone, only on pause. I am getting tons of junk mail, but I’m also still on lots of mailing lists I had joined back then. Companies I did business with are sending me updates and info and reminders. And one of those reminders was from FTD, the flower company, letting me know that it’s someone’s birthday on March 2nd, someone I had sent flowers to AGES ago, someone I was just fine not thinking about, someone who doesn’t need to be infiltrating my thoughts right now.

But this isn’t the only instance. Other things keep coming up, little things that on their own wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you put them all together, there is definitely something going on. I should listen to what she’s saying, listen deep as Marianne might say. Maybe I need some help with that though. I’ve got a lot of cotton in my ears.

It’s strange that life can do that to you, can remind you of your old self, surprise you with it while you’re off looking at other things, and there’s not much you can do to prepare for it. It’s good for keeping you on your toes, that much is true.

I am different now, even from just a year or two ago, but here I am, back in the same city, at the same job, looking at much the same things as I did before. The more things change the more they stay the same?

Maybe I am not as changed as I thought.