we can work it out.
so my fedex boyfriend and I had quite the exchange this morning at the entrance to my building. he was leaving with a handtruck of boxes just as I was arriving. He gallantly held open the door for me and I gallantly held open the door for him. Then he said, “you come first.” and I smiled and said “no, I want you to come first.” but he insisted I come before him, so I did. I should have said “how about we both come at the same time?”
I love him. We’re going to have fedex babies together. He wants round tube babies and I want thick, rectangular ones. We’ll work it out though.
you should take a picture of him somehow. i am intrigued!
Just explain to Gordon that you are a liberated modern woman and want children from different men. You have a strong biological imperative to ensure the survival of your mitochondrial DNA …
Different men, different survival gene sets …
more survival strategies encoded in their DNA…He’ll understand…
True story: I heard fed ex guys are all crazy good in the sack. It’s like a job requirement, for whatever reason. The skills that correllate well with delivering shit quickly are just weirdly overlapping with the skills required to give women mind-blowing orgasms, and since you can’t test someone’s ability to ship a pkg to China, they just have the job applicants satisfy a woman in front of the interviewer. The ones who shag her senseless get the job. I know it sounds like I’m making this up but I swear it’s true. In fact, one of the problems facing fed ex during boom times is finding enough women who don’t mind fucking a parade of job applicants. Cause let’s be honest, not EVERYONE is good enough to get the job. And no one wants to be repeatedly nailed by guys who are lousy.
Read all this and more in my upcoming expose: Fed Ex, Lies & Videotape – The True Story of My Failed Attempt To Work For The World’s Biggest Delivery Service.