Where is my mind
I don’t know what my deal is. I feel sad. But a weird sad. I don’t know what it is or what the shape is. But it’s here, lurking just under the surface.
Things move thickly through this sea.
It is like I am missing something. It is like I lost something. It is like I am searching for something that never existed.
It’s hormones right? All this perimenopause/menopause nonsense.
What else could it be. This desire to be near someone, be close, breathe them in, absorb them through my skin. But then I also want every single human as far away from me as possible. Don’t touch me don’t talk to me don’t look at me don’t even think about me. Just leave me alone.
How long can this be sustained? This sensation of being nowhere, being nothing, but having to live each day as if anything matters. It’s not depression.
Is it?
I can’t stand looking at myself a moment longer. But at least now I have my hallmark Christmas movies for that warm familiar comfort.
