meh.
That’s sort of my attitude these days. everything’s meh. I’m not depressed or anything, I just feel meh. I meh at my meh.
I’m bored with being so bitter and cynical. And what’s it for? It doesn’t matter. Sure I see the world as it is, not how I want it to be (conversely, and pointlessly, I see myself how I want to be and not how I actually am) and wouldn’t I love to be blissfully ignorant. I am rankled by so very much, politically, culturally, socially; all the “ally” you can think of. Plenty to get worked up about. So much to drive even little mary sunshine batty.
Only in the end, none of matters. I can hate and sneer and rage against all, and still the world will do its thing. The universe will keep expanding and people will continue getting old, good things will happen, bad shit will go on, nature will have her way with us, happy moments in between everything else…and my bitterness over the whole mess will only have served to make me more tired than I need.
Not that I’m suggesting I’m going to change my ways. I’ve tried. I’ve turned the other cheek, I’ve smiled instead of smirked, I shook it off rather than held on to it, but it didn’t do anything. It just didn’t work. I cannot fight who I am. It goes against every fiber of my being to be nice to assholes (including myself). I am a much better bitch than a sweet cherry pie. So it will eat me up faster than if I didn’t worry so much about it. Life’s gonna kill me no matter what, so I may as well enjoy my unenjoyment of it.
Of course, all this pissiness of mine could be related to the fact that it’s been almost 3 fucking months since we closed on our goddamned house and we’re still sleeping on the fricking floor of my mother-in-law’s* tiny apartment, in the same bedroom with the baby, and I cannot take it anymore. I just can’t, I can’t can’t can’t can’t I’m braaaaainnssss.
*technically, she’s not my mother-in-law, but she is in all the ways that count, which means she makes me insane on a daily basis and I’m going to kill her.
I know what you mean about feeling …. meh. I am pretty much the same way. But, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact of not smoking and that it is summer in Tucson. God, how I hate the summers in Tucson.
How come you are not in your house yet? What’s going on there?
I hope you feel better. Try Yoga, it has been helping for me.
I want to feel “Meh” seems i’m either “WOO HOO!” or else “BOO HOO” never in between. Oh well, i’m a bit stressed and overwhelmed working 6 days and 54 hours a week and planning a wedding at the same time, ya know? never tryed yoga, I think i’m too hyper for something like that, unfortunetely. What works for me is two Klonopin, plugging in my headphones and cranking up my favourite music on the ol’ stereo and just laying back in the dark with just candles on for lighting, it totally mellows me out and helps me de-stress. Soaking in a hottub helps too. By the way, as of last Wed, I turned 34 years young. Hey, I look at it this way, atleast i’m still closer to being in my 20’s, then I am my 40’s and isnt that all that matters? :-) teehee…. my fiance got me a Sandisk, which i’ve yet to figure out, it’s like an Ipod, only different, it has a radio, but also you can download 250 songs onto it and it fits into the palm of your hand, so friggin crazy. He figured it was about time I joined the 21st century and got rid of my big ol, clunky, yellow walkman, with the ducttape holding it together, circa 1987. However, it’s new technology, therefore it scares me. Anyway, hang in there, Christa! the “meh” will pass.
HB CB!!! Be careful with the Klonopin. Its similar to Xanax and
I have a good friend in AA that was a Xanax addict. Have a good one CB.
Look at this:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_%28plant%29
happy belated birthday celeste, I tried to email you but screw my effing email.
I am very proud of your advancement into this new world of ours, with your MP3 player and all. So very proud. my little girl’s all grown up. sniff.
I’ve been thinking about getting back on the old klonopin. it really worked for me. I need some k-love.
really? it made my brother fat and lazy.
are you sure that wasnt paxil, gina? well, that stuff didnt make me lazy, but it sure did make me fat, gained 60lbs on it and really fatigued, so I guess lazyness, yeah, however you wanna look at it. anyway, I don take klonopin but on a “as needed basis” so if you took it everyday, I suppose it could have that effect, but so far it hasnt with me thanks for the concern, by the way, but i’ve been on some form of tranquilizers for my anxiety and panic disorder since I was 17, so I know what i’m doing. what’s sad is one of the other concierge girls here is addicted to vicodin and she’s already been in rehab for it once and takes, get this, 10, 10mg pills a day, not shitting you! and she’s just this petite little thing, my God! and at this point she said 100mg has the same effect that 10mg used to have, her tolerance has built up so much, so sad. she orders it all off the internet off those pill popping websites. poor thing… she’s only 23 and is completely stoned out of her mind half the time she comes into work and you can totally tell.