my fixed ipod, my broken dream.

By christa 30 December, 2005 random

I got an ipod a little over 2 years ago, back in December of 2003. I was very happy with it and there’s been much love between us since then. I also bought the apple warranty extension plan as well, giving me two extra years for support. For the past 8 or so months, the battery life of my ipod was greatly diminished, but I just dealt with it, meaning to send it in for repair sooner or later. But you know me, so of course I was sending it in on the absolute very last day of my coverage.

I just got it back yesterday. Well, a replacement ipod anyway. It’s new and shiny and very pretty and I am glad to have it back. I was having grand fantasies of them sending me a brand new exciting video ipod as a replacement, but of course I got the same model as what I sent in. I don’t know what kind of lousy program they’re running over there at Apple, where you send in your 2-year old ipod for repair and they can’t even bother to send you back a new video ipod as a replacement. Sheesh.

If we don’t get our own place very soon, I might have to start a nasty pill-popping drug habit.

I used to really love Boston, I thought it was the greatest city in all the world, but now I mostly just hate it. And I’m so mad that I hate it. I didn’t want it to come to this. I wanted to keep that love alive, have it burning inside me forever. But I suppose we knew it couldn’t last. Sooner or later, as happens with all the great loves, it had to end. Now I just feel resentment and bitterness. I have so many memories in this town, both good and bad, all of them following me around and reminding me of my old life. And it isn’t like my “new life” here has started off with a bang (my new life being with the baby).

And to top it all off, I found out that I’ve hit my limit with financial aid at Emerson, which I didn’t know was possible and which would have been nice to know ohh, six months ago. But there you have it. So with two frigging semesters left to go, I’ve got no financial aid and no money of my own, just a huge massive debt and no degree to show for it. Just as we were settling into some semblance of normalcy in Tucson, with friends and jobs and baby playdates, I uprooted us all to come back to Boston, only to find out now it was pointless. Someone could have told me this a few months ago, when I was inquiring into my return to Emerson, but apparently the person I talked to was a complete moron.

BUT! I am trying to remain positive and keep my head up, per my new approach to life. It is very difficult and I want to scream until my head explodes, but if I let all this get me down now, then what am I showing to my son? That it’s okay to crumble and fall when a few obstacles are thrown in your way? That everything in life should come easy and simple? That it’s okay to give up when things get hard? So I just have to accept the reality, deal with it and move on. Figure out a way around the mess.

It will work out, maybe not today or tomorrow but I will get that degree. I am not going to have everything I went through and all the crap I’ve dealt with since I moved to Boston be for nothing. I don’t care how foolish it now seems and how tunnel-visioned I’ve become. I have to graduate from Emerson. Don’t you see? I have to make all that mean something, I have to make it worth it. I just can’t have it be for nothing. I’ve sacrificed so much and I’ve lost so much in these past 6 years, to cut my losses and walk away now would destroy me. I might still be alive, but I’d be just a shell, someone going through the motions. We all deserve better, especially my little guy.

11 thoughts on “my fixed ipod, my broken dream.”

  2. neely

    I think that you should set up an account for all your loafers to donate into so that you can get the money to get your degree and when you FINALLY graduate, you’ll have all us to thank (and me esp since I came up with such a brilliant idear!-hee hee) I’ll donate. How much do we have to raise for two semesters?

  5. Jonathan

    I hate to rain on this parade, but “The People” is like six folk, and “the tuition” at a private Boston University is probably at least 15 grand for two semesters.

  6. AMC

    That Sucks! I’ll pay you to build and maintain a blog website for me. I love the one you did for MR… I know way to little but a start. Email me if you are interested.

  7. DG

    One would think. Oh well, maybe we can help with the fruit cups and visits to Subway.
    And when I say someting, I mean like $20.00 here and there.

  10. neely

    I HAVE FAITH!!….start a bucket and toss your loose change in it and any spare $1.00 bills and at the end of the month, we’ll have money. And yeah, maybe there are only 6 of us willing to help pay for her $20,000 + tuition, but damned if we can’t help!! Rock on girlfriend. I’m down!!