I’m in a real bad mood
Everything is just so terrible. Whatever good things remain are not enough (were they ever?). I’m so damn grumpy and restless, but also completely listless. Work is dumb. Home is dumb. The world is shit. Nothing is fun or enjoyable. I hate my phone. People are awful. My kids suck. Winter is endless.
But there is one thing that might not suck: the Bob’s Burgers movie. but jeez, that doesn’t happen until May.
I guess there’s my record player, that still brings me joy (for now). I upgraded my all-in-one to something a little fancier, and while it’s nothing grand, it is pretty great.
And I love everything about listening to records. The sound of course, no arguing there. But it’s also the preparation and ritual of it, too. Such a quiet small pleasure. So simple. Selecting the record. Taking it out of the sleeve. Putting it on the plate. Setting the needle. Changing sides. I have a few new records, but I especially like rediscovering old music and familiar favorites. It sounds the same but also different somehow, better.
So that makes me happy. it doesn’t last long, something usually comes along to ruin it. family, work, time, my own existential dread.
Oh! my latest day fantasy! That makes me happy, too. I am a sad old lady, just like now, but I’m crazy rich, and a sugar mama to some hot guy, age approx 35-40, with sexy tattoos, and I pay for his artist studio or something, and he has a glorious beard but not a lot of body hair. I spoil him absolutely rotten, and he travels with me on luxurious vacations, ones that involve many trains. And I have scarves, a lot of scarves.