Siete de Mayo
I got my first dose of the vaccine this week. The excitement, the anticipation, of finally getting the shot, it felt like christmas eve a little.
I went to a local health clinic and was very impressed with their whole operation. I’m sure the early days were bumpy, I don’t know, but they seem to have a good system. All smooth sailing, no hiccups. Just a bunch of competent dedicated people doing their jobs (and beyond).
The shot part was fine. It lasted all of five seconds. Needles don’t scare me and it didn’t hurt a bit.
After, they have us wait in an observation room, to make sure we don’t experience any bad reactions, and to schedule the second dose. 15 mins later, I was done, with my vaccine sticker and my appointment in a month.
as I walked back to my car, the snow had stopped, the sun had come out and it had gotten a little warmer. I started crying. It was just so overwhelming. The joy and relief of it all. The gratitude, not only that I was able to get this vaccine, but how hard people have worked to get us to this point. And then… just the sadness. For everything we have lost, for all the people who didn’t make it here, for all the grief and loneliness and rage.
I cried the whole drive home and even now, I cry a little. It’s been so much. And I’m one of the luckier ones! I didn’t lose my job and I was able to keep paying rent and bills. My mom died years ago so I didn’t have to fret over her, and my dad, who is in every major high risk group there is, miraculously never got it (despite the shitty behavior of some members of my family).
And while remote learning has sucked, especially for Ry, at least we live in a school district that was able to transition to remote school without too much trouble. plus both boys had school-issued chromebooks that they’ve been using in their classrooms for years. and now, after spring break, they’ll both be back to full time in-person learning. Hallelujah praise be to god.
So yes. I am deeply deeply grateful.
But still. Even with all those positive things, it still has been so hard. the isolation. The fear. The endlessness. And of course the anger. So much anger. Our failures as a country were catastrophic, and it did not have to be this way.
So I’m lucky, but I’m also tired and sad and my brain doesn’t feel normal anymore. A lot of the issues that I struggled with for so long, and worked so hard to overcome, well, they seem to have woken up. I know I have some battles ahead of me, some heavy ones, and I’m not sure how strong I am for them. But at least I’m on my way to being fully vaccinated, and that makes me happy. Future Christa can deal with the rain of shit coming her way. This Christa is going to just feel good about this for a little while.