insomnia playing coy with me

It is both very unfair and very very lame that I cannot sleep. It is almost 3:30am and I am so tired that my head might fall off, but here I sit, glazed over and dried out. Something’s bothering me, my legs are twitching, I can’t focus and I keep checking on Ryland, making sure he’s still asleep in his bed, still breathing. I wish my body would pick one behavior or another and stick with, none of this flip flopping: either let me be fine and sleep without trouble or keep me not fine and give me rampant insomnia. Then I can adjust accordingly and start accepting my nightly fate.

But nooo, my stupid body thinks a sleeping life should be unpredictable and exciting. She likes to shake things up a bit, keep it random, let me sleep well for a bit and then, just as I’m getting used to it, knock me over with bouts sleeplessness or hours of turmoil and thrashing in my bed. And just when I finally think it’s all under control and deep restful sleep is about to overcome me, she throws in some crazy dreams to keep me from sure refreshment. That’s her favorite I think.

Maybe I’m just used to unreliable sleep, with Ryland and all. He’s finally starting to sleep better and I’m just not used to it. But that brings us right back to that old unfair and lame bit.

Or maybe maybe MAYBE my deeper instincts are calling me to action. Maybe strange things are afoot at the Circle K. Maybe I should be listening more, listening BETTER. I’m hearing something, I’m feeling something, I just need to open up, be receptive. Pay attention. Listen deep, in the words of the wise.

and I hope someone gets the Circle K reference. Really, I do.

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