Spelling dialysis is a pain

Way harder than having to do dialysis. Spelling it or having to sit there while some machine filters my blood for me? EASY CHOICE.

My motherdotcom starts dialysis monday. 3x week, four hours a pop. For the rest of ever.

It makes me really fucking depressed. Where are my cupcakes.

Cupcakes is code for cookies.

Cookies is code for pharmaceuticals.

I need a new scrip for cookies yo.

Actually cupcakes will be fine. Buttercream frosting please. And an eegees slush. PiƱa colada. Thanks.

And some drugs.

Thanks. If you do this for me
Jesus I will say nice things about you.


here is what’s happening for cjm lately.

-my fattest pair of pants are now snug. woohoo! soon, I shall be the fattest thing to walk the planet. then I’ll be the fattest thing to roll the planet. woohoo!

-bruins get #2 pick in NHL draft yay!

-matt DBAG cooke gets KO’d by a little bitty youngster, from the thrashers no less. greatest day in my life. no, seriously.

-I am going to the following events:
a. bruins playoff home game 1 (monday april 19th)
b. conan o’brien
c. craig ferguson
d. they might be giants FREE on the greenway (next thursday) cause it’s earth day and shit, and if TMBG doesn’t = earth day I don’t know what does.

-apple’s multitasking feature is in the next iphone software release. but will not work on my phone, a 3g. blankety blankers.

-I HAVE THE CUTEST BABY IN THE WORLD. it’s true. visit this link and see for yourself. it’s a high-res video so it’ll take a few minutes to load, but it’s worth it. he’s eating a teething biscuit I gave him. I love him more than any of my other children combined.*

-I work with the coolest ladies in the world.

-all of my pajamas are torn in some manner or another. all of them. what a country. the pair I’m wearing now has been ripping up the leg all night long. which might be kinda sexy if I were at all sexy. but i’m not. so it’s just sad and gross.

-night of a 140 tweets? not that funny.

*I didn’t think I needed to put an asterisk here alerting you to the fact that I do not love one child any more than the other (yes I do) but by the way you’re looking at me, I see that I do. I love each of my offspring in equal amounts (no I don’t, I love baby more).