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I have been taking a lot of pharmaceuticals lately, in an effort to combat my relentless insomnia, excessive day time sleepiness, crippling anxiety, crushing mental and physical pain, and something? Loneliness, I guess.

This pill to soothe. This one to relieve. This one to ease. This one to stimulate. This one to dream. This one to silence. This one to numb. This one to tingle. This one to forget. This one to remember.

It can’t be healthy. Relying on these little pills to make life livable. But who cares.

If it weren’t for these drops of candy, well I wouldn’t know what an emotion even was.

I am a good person (I think?) who means well (usually) and tries her best (sort of, sometimes) but also I am kind of a garbage human who makes questionable decisions and poor choices on the regular.

But I am friends with a lot of good, wonderful people that I adore and admire and respect. if these people can tolerate me and all my bullshit nonsense, if they dare I say LIKE me, then there must be something of value underneath this gross skin sack I’m stuck in. Right?

So I guess I can spend the rest of my life feeling crummy and ashamed, hating myself. or I can just finally let go of the self loathing and get on with it.

Is it possible to have both? Because I love nothing as much as I love viciously criticizing every single part of my existence. Can I have that AND still be a functioning, motivated member of the human race? Can a modern lady truly have it all?

I have never watched the video for oh baby till tonight, till right now, and now you should watch it, too

This song happens to me in between the spaces. In the blinks, the breaths, the moment when awake becomes asleep, in the watery depths.

And then when American dream plays, it’s like a gut punch and do you think it’s true what he says? That you kiss and you clutch but you can’t fight that feeling that your one true love is just awaiting your big meeting

I like falling asleep with windswept thoughts and dreams.

Rogue One is a continually unexpected and underrated film in the Star Wars universe. It is pure perfection. It has everything you could ever want or need and I love it so much, maybe as much as the force awakens, maybe even more.

“Keep it tight and watch out for those towers.”

Name me one flaw in that movie. Just one. You can’t. You cannot. Okay possibly you might say when they decided to add “A Star Wars Story” to the title, but that is hardly a flaw, just a dumb decision. And who calls it that? No one. it’s just Rogue One.

“Your highness… What is it they’ve sent us?”

hope.