Last Days.

By loafe 28 April, 2004 random

I&#146m sitting in the Emerson computer lab right now, waiting for the first class of my last day of school to start. After today, I&#146m free! FREE!

I really enjoyed myself this semester. I had some great classes and some crazy people in them. But it&#146s hard, working and going to school and being pregnant and trying to get ready to move to AZ and the million other things that happened.

It kind of sucks, because I only have one semester left of school, and I won&#146t be able to come back for at least another year. Maybe in a year, I can move back. I have no idea what will happen, I am not going to worry about it right now I have too many other things to worry about. Everything will work itself out.

But I promise that I will get that Emerson degree if it is the last thing I do.

Tomorrow I leave for Tucson, so that me and my pals can head off to Coachella and enjoy two days of music and camping and fun. Then it&#146s back to Boston, where I will finish up everything at work, help train the new person, and complete the packing (which is a real pain in the ass if you want to know the truth). And then off to Tucson I go for good, me and all my shit and Gordon in a big old cargo van.

AND THEN, the last four days in May will be spent lounging on the beach with my best gal Marianne, in beautiful san diego. After all this, I deserve myself a nice beachy rest. I shall look smashing, all pale and fat and pregnant on the beach.

RGC

By loafe 26 April, 2004 best of loafe, vol 1, random

Gordon and I have finally managed to both agree on a name for my baby. I was really fond of Max, but most of the people I talked to disagree with it. I think Max is a great name. Nobody names her kid Max anymore. Max! I just love it.

G wasn’t too thrilled with it, and since his sperm played a key role in all of this, I figured I better keep looking. We came across the name Ryland in the baby name book. Ryland! I liked it immediately and the more I let it sit, the more I love it. Ryland. It is such a cool name. It’s different but not crazy weird. And I have all sorts of cute nicknames already: Rye, Ryer, Ryerson, etc. Isn’t it fabulous?

My friend Marianne suggested I keep the name to myself, because everyone has an opinion. She’s right. Everyone has a million suggestions and hates what I like and likes what I hate. In the end, it really comes down to what I (and G too but mostly me) like and what feels like a good match for my baby. Right now, it feels like there’s a cute little Ryer Ryerson in me.

It’s very hard, this baby naming business.

You know, loafe, this whole pregnancy thing has really changed me. Not in some sort of crazy obvious way (well, besides the big belly and stuff) but in little, subtle ways, like how I view the world and myself. Before the pregnancy, I wasn’t all that thrilled about very much. I was generally okay with things, just not super excited about my life. I was plodding ahead because that’s what you do. Having a kid was the last thing on my mind. In fact, the entire idea of having a baby was so completely foreign and wrong to me I was convinced a baby would only make my life even worse.

Then I got pregnant. At first, it was so shocking and upsetting. I fretted and worried and stressed. I kept saying, “I am not ready for a baby! I don’t like kids! I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant! I am not ready for a baby!” I was confused and scared and reluctant to go ahead with it.

But now…well, it’s only been three months since I found out but I can’t possibly imagine my life any other way. I can’t remember what it felt like to not be pregnant. Those feelings of reluctance and doubt are gone. I can’t believe I even had them. If I could choose, if I could go back and do it again, I wouldn’t do it any other way. Imagining what my life would be like right now if I weren’t having a baby depresses me. A Christa sans baby makes me v. sad. That old life was easier and more carefree, but it seems so silly to me now, so unimportant and pointless. And now I feel excited. I feel happy. My life, my actions, my world…it all finally has meaning.

I wouldn’t want it any other way. It feels so right and so natural. Like this is exactly what I should be doing. And I gotta tell you, loafe, that has to be the greatest feeling in the world. Because of all the places I’ve been and all the things I’ve done, nothing compares, nothing has ever made me feel so complete and just so…content. And that contentedness proves to me that I will be a good mother. I’m not worried anymore.

Interviews and Resumes.

By loafe 21 April, 2004 random

So I am in the process right now of looking through resumes and finding good candidates to interview for my position once I leave. I am having fun, although I feel really bad for all these computer people out of work. I want to give them all jobs! I am not looking forward to interviews though. I don&#146t like that sort of thing.

I sure hope they don&#146t like the new guy better than me! Not that it matters I guess, I just want to be well liked. But watch, the new person will come in and be smarter and better at my job than I ever was and everyone will love him and they will say &#147thank god we got rid of Christa!&#148

only one week of school left! WOOHOO! I like school I really do, but after awhile it gets to be a bit of a drag.

So I&#146ve been a pretty big grumpasaurus rex the past few days. First because I found out Wilco canceled its tour dates for Tucson and Coachella, which means I won&#146t be seeing them. Stupid Jeff Tweedy. And second, fucking Boston blew it big time in the hockey playoffs. Even though Montreal won the series, they are still a rotten dirty team who deserves to be sunk in the ocean. Boston beat themselves, Montreal had nothing to do with it. And I&#146m convinced there is no justice in hockey, because if there were, despite the bad play of Boston, The B&#146s would have won. And Ottawa would have kicked the tar out of lousy Toronto.

Haha, earlier today I saw two posts from Montreal fans on the comments section, and I deleted those comments because I have the power and the control and they do not. HAHA. But if you had read those posts, you would have laughed. They had misspellings galore and all those shortened Internet abbreviations I so abhor and bad punctuation and lots of words like &#147you are a faggot, you stupid American, stick with your baseball!&#148 (only not spelled correctly or worded so well) It made me laugh, and then I deleted their comments and laughed some more. HAHA, stupid canadians.