loafe.com

So even though I don’t work at AEI anymore, my old boss is being the most awesome guy in the whole wide world. I know it’s just the hormones but everything these days makes me cry. I got a very nice email from Mark and it just kills me. WHY IS EVERYONE SO NICE TO ME? I don’t deserve it. I cry, I cry and the baby jesus cries and we all cry.

I am very thankful for my new place and that it has the most beautiful and delicious air conditioning in the whole wide world. I know it’s just the hormones but everything these days makes me cry. In this humid monsoon weather right now, the a/c makes for a very happy christa. I cry and the baby jesus cries and the a/c cries and all of tucson cries.

I got the cutest ultrasound pictures in the history of ultrasound pictures. I have to scan them and then burn them to a CD and then bring them to a computer with internet access so I can post them. It’s all a big hassle, but I’ll do it, I promise. Because these pictures are too cute not to be adored and loved.

I also had my first childbirth preparation class over the weekend. It was interesting, not as lame as I thought it might be and I learned some new things. Then we watched The Video. I’ve been watching a lot of those baby shows on TV lately, and they show women giving birth, but everything is mostly blocked and you don’t see much. It looks painful I guess, but mostly it seems like an okay experience. But The Video was not edited or blurred out in any way and we watched a woman push a baby out of her vagina. I used to be scared of turning 30. Now I am scared of turning 30 AND of pushing this lousy baby out of my tiny sweet small little vagina hole. I watched as this black hairy gooey bloody head pushed its way through the hole, and the lips kept getting stretched, bigger and biggger, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming out, because OH MY GOD IT WILL HURT SO MUCH.

Along with the baby, all sorts of strange fluids and substances came out as well. Very unpleasant looking stuff. Then, after the baby, you still aren’t done. Next up is the placenta, which has to come out of that same little vagina. While the word Placenta may sound nice, like a sweet alcoholic drink or a fancy beach resort maybe, nothing could be further than the truth. The good news, I am told, is that after the baby, the placenta is no big deal. It doesn’t hurt and it is pliable and easy. It is also very gross.

And then of course they showed the baby and the mother meeting for the first time and I practically started bawling. Those childbirth-video-making people sure do know how to rollercoaster your emotions. sheesh louise.

Okay, so in a week I’ll be turning 30. Feel free to browse my amazon.com wish list or just send me cash. And while we all know that I’m turning 30, I am actually just turning 22. Yay! I like 22. That’s a good age.

My best friend Marianne, who I&#146ve known since we were both 14 and freshmen in high school (holy shit that is 16 years now, holy shit), has a diaryland page that she updates on a pretty regular basis. And while I try to keep up with it, the past two weeks or so were pretty crazy for me, so I wasn&#146t able to read it. But I just caught up right now and I have to say that it really is good reading. I say this not just because Marianne is my girl, but because Marianne is a great writer and has great insights and is very honest and real and an admirable and beautiful woman. She is also extremely intelligent. I am lucky to have her in my life. She&#146s off on a family vacation right now and I hope she&#146s having a great time but I will be glad when she gets back.

In other news, the first monsoon storm of the season is about to hit and I am very happy. Monsoon storms in Tucson are grand, glorious things to witness and to smell. For all the bad, there is some good.

And for those of you concerned, we managed to hook up to our neighbor&#146s illegal cable, so now we have TV to watch. For some reason, it only works in the bedroom outlet. I don&#146t particularly like the idea of a television in the bedroom, but I don&#146t like the idea of no television at all. Life is about compromisies, people. No TV or TV in the bedroom? Easy decision there.

Tomorrow is my ultrasound. yay!

Also, in 10 short days I turn 30. Horrible awful ugly 30.

So we finally managed to find a place to live and we moved in over the weekend. I am so happy to finally be able to settle in and relax a little. I still have a million and one things to stress about, but having a place of my own, where I&#146m not inconveniencing or imposing on my good friends, is so nice, feels so good, I can&#146t even tell you. I am eternally grateful for all the help and support my friends, especially Morgan and Tiffany, have given me. I could never thank them like they deserve, but I am sure they all know how much I really appreciate it. Ryland thanks them immensely as well.

I can&#146t afford cable or internet or even a telephone right now, so loafe updates and email correspondence will be sparse. Hopefully these luxuries will be available to me again soon. I am at my parents&#146 house right now and doing some serious stealth work to post here without leaving any traces of this site that they could stumble across.

I think they feel guilty about everything that&#146s happened, particularly my mother, because she went out and bought me a lot of stuff for my new place. I am grateful for it, but I just wish it wasn&#146t the result of guilt. Oh well, I will take all the help I can get right now, no matter the reason.

I get another ultrasound this week! I am very excited. Maybe I can post the pictures.

Also, I need a dresser, a car, a desk and an ottoman or coffee table. Feel free to buy me these things.