our 1st accident.

By loafe 10 January, 2005 random

Well, Ryland and I had our first accident this afternoon. I propped him up in the corner of the couch and gave him his crinkly book he likes and walked away for a few minutes. I sat at the computer to send my resume to a few places and as I&#146m typing my cover letter, I hear &#147THUNK.&#148 Time froze; my heart stopped beating and then dropped to my feet. I turned around and Ryland was lying face down on the floor.

I ran over to him immediately and picked him up, he was screaming, I was crying, it was quite the scene. We walked around the house a few minutes, me comforting him, he comforting me. We both finally calmed down and I checked him over and he was just fine and I checked me over and, apart from incredible guilt, I was fine. Then I started laughing. Because it was funny. Maybe I shouldn&#146t laugh, maybe that makes me a horrible awful mother, but I couldn&#146t help it. Just hearing that thunk and seeing Ryland lying face down on the floor…If he was HURT or damaged somehow, I would be slitting my wrists or something equally dramatic, but we got lucky on this one.

I suppose it has to happen to everyone—it just takes that one time for their child to roll over off the bed or the couch or the dresser or something before a lesson is learned. We both came out unscathed and now I know that Ryland can go from a propped up sitting position to a prone position, and then he can roll right on over.

Five minutes after the incident we were laughing and dancing and singing, so all is well again on Ryland Island.

the simpsons.

By loafe 7 January, 2005 random

One of my favorite quotes from the Simpsons, the one where Homer becomes smart after removing the crayon in his brain: &#147I&#146m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.&#148 At least I think that&#146s the episode. I could be wrong, but I know that&#146s the quote.

Now it&#146s just Rick Dees in a Rick Dees world.

I think there are people who don&#146t like me anymore, or at least not as much or in the same way they once did, because I&#146ve had a baby. I guess I can understand that, but it makes me feel kind of bad, you know? And in my little circle of friends, a lot happens that I don&#146t know about, because I&#146m not there, because I&#146m removed, because I can&#146t go out and I can&#146t hang out and I can&#146t do the things I used to be able to do with them. It makes me feel a little sad, not just that I&#146m missing out, but that this is the way things are now. I&#146m still part of the group, but not really. Because I have a kid and no one else does. And until they do, our lives will be different.

And it&#146s all pretty much my fault. It isn&#146t like I&#146m making some great effort; most of the time I am so distracted or tired or such a zombie that I forget to make/return calls and email and I&#146ll stay home rather than try to find a babysitter to go out. So in essence I&#146m choosing to be on the outskirts of the circle. I just wish my stupid girlfriends would start having babies already. You&#146re not getting any younger, girls!

And loafe would like to congratulate my friend Tonya on the birth of her baby boy. Happy Birth!

spinning and spinning.

By loafe 3 January, 2005 random

sometimes things seem to pile up so fast when you aren&#146t looking that you turn back and swirling all around you everywhere are strange faces and strange smells and strange behaviors, crashing into each other and the walls and exploding in the skies, making bright colors and dark shadows and dancing fire flames.

and it&#146s nice when something comes along in this whirlwind to remind you where you are and what you&#146re supposed to be doing.

I just finished a book called the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. it&#146s a glorious piece of enchantment, sweet and bitter and sad and calming, and if I could climb into the pages and lay among the words, swim between the pages, dance with the illustrations, I would die a happy girl.

things are crazy all around me, but nothing calms my jumpy jitters like a good book.

I read the entire thing in one day, from last night till tonight, and it&#146s been the first time I&#146ve been able to relax or take a few minutes for myself in a long while. It&#146s a short book and once I started it was nearly impossible to stop.

And now it&#146s 2005. It really doesn&#146t mean that much to me except I had to buy new calendars, which is one of my most favorite things to do because I love calendars and if it were up to me I would buy a million of them and they would be plastered all over my walls. At the same time buying calendars is one of my most hated activities, because it is very difficult for me to pick just one or two calendars. This year I will buy three, although I wanted many more.

I hope everyone had enjoyable holidays.