a wedding

here is a section from my book talking about a wedding. I can imagine wanting to be married if I were a character in this book, if I could have a wedding like this, and wear a yellow dress and be barefoot.

Henry Hamilton gave Louise away. They walked together down the aisle of the church. He had a bad hip and she had small shoes, so they moved at a slow and stately pace. Henry wore a handsome, deep blue wool sit. It is an unnoted fact of Midwestern life that the older farmer rummaging through pocket T-shirts at Ben Franklin might have a wardrobe like Cary Grant’s at home in the attic. The suit smelled like a trunk with faded steamship stickers.

“You look beautiful,” said Henry.

“No, you do,” said Louise.

The church was plain, but light streamed through the stained glass. Cheryl had done a good job on the flowers, and Louise felt as if she were approaching the edge of a jungle. Pastor Matthews was flanked by the leaves of large plants. Dan and his best man, Deputy Ed Aiken, edged toward the altar as if making their way along a narrow ledge. Dan’s tie was crooked and he had a kind of careless happiness on his face. This is the way of men.

“Dearly beloved,” said Pastor Matthews. “We are here to unite Louise Montrose Darling and Daniel John Norman in the blessings of matrimony. First I have a few announcements I did not get to last Sunday. Shirley Baker is still in the hospital, as are Andy Reichardt and Bill Wheeler. Bill continues to be troubled by that nasty cough but wanted to thank you for your prayers. Marvin and Candace Ross have a new baby, Bethany; mother and daughter are doing fine. And a note comes from Delia Kessler thanking everyone for the kindness extended to her following the death of her grandfather Mort…”

The announcements went on for a while longer, but eventually Louise and Dan got to speak their vows. The pastor raised his hands and Louise felt his palm brush her hair. “With this ring,” said Dan, “I thee wed, and pledge my abiding love.” They kissed. Louise closed her eyes. She could not define what she was feeling but knew no other way to express it than to say that she loved him. So that’s what she said. It occurred to her that you only get glimpses of love, your whole life, just bits and pieces. They kissed again, deeply, unrehearsed. Farina sang a hymn – “O Love That Will Not Let Me Go.”

Afterward, everyone went outside. Cheryl and Laszlo walked beneath the poplar trees while poor Jean waited, counting the fingers of her white gloves. Across the lawn, Louise and Dan stood on the sidewalk, receiving the wishes of the people. It was cool in the shade, and wind moved the branches of the trees.

this is from end of vandalism, one of my top books of all time. I am reading it again for the nth time. I take something new from it each read. You just can’t beat a book like this.



extreme ways

can I marry jason bourne please?

pleeeeeeeeaaaaase? it’s the only thing I want in life. that’s it. just let me be with him forever & ever, and I will shut up & leave everyone alone for the rest of time. seriously. I will. I promise.

okay how about a song of the day. ummm. signs by crystal method. it’s from the movie signs, one of my most favoritest.

I’m totally addicted to scramble. scramble is boggle on facebook. I’m so peggy hill when it comes to boggle. I keep challenging people to play me and no one will. well a few people do, but not enough. I love that effing game. I don’t have barely any friends on facebook. kind of like real life.

SIGH

crap vagina, no friends, intimacy issues, my computer tragedy at work…

but feel not sorry for me! thanks to a special lady friend I’m drowning my pain in ‘ceuts. thanks special lady friend!


becoming benjamin

Between a woman who was not any kind of mother before getting pregnant and the mother I have become, a lot has changed. Sure, all the “inside” nonsense, you know the “growing up” and the “finding a greater purpose” yes yes. but also the actual literal inside, literal in the actual LITERAL sense. my insides, my goods, my gooey goo.

I knew so very little before ry. but I knew some basic things were true, constant: 2+2=4. sun rises in east sets in west. up is up. down is down. etc.

Not anymore. So much has changed, and none more than my old beat box south of the border. Tell my vagina that 2+2=4 and she’ll respond, “Yes, wheat crackers would be lovely, please.

She’s polite at least, I’ll give her that.

here’s the thing. I used to have sexy underwear, I swear. I did. I even wore them. And some of you got to see them, and some of you didn’t, but I wore them and they were there, being all secret underwear sexy, if only to me.

Except at period time, I had my “mense this” pairs, durable fuckers that could take the lickings (or should i say drippings) and keep on ticking. sexy underwear is sexy but it isn’t for non-sexy times, you know what I mean?

So I had my normal undies and my p.dot undies. Two distinct, specialized groups working together in synergized harmony to achieve a common goal–protect my girl bits from the big bad world.

Then I had Ry and I am still trying to figure out what the hell was unleashed upon the earth.

Because my vagina, the elusive enigmatic unpredictable little saucepot she is, suddenly turned into a complete fucking lunatic, waving her crazy arms and shouting her crazy thoughts and scaring the jebus out of me.

my p.dot undies, once reserved for a few days a month, has become my normal, every-single-goddamned-day of my life underwear. there is no more sexy. it’s gone gone gone. sexy abandoned me the minute his sperm was wiggling its way into my egg, and I didn’t even know it.

I need industrial strength fabric or else my cervix is going to plop right out.

and I’m always leaking something now, I couldn’t tell you what. this formerly lazy flower of mine is in constant production, always manufacturing, always sharing.

sigh. yet another fabulous joy to add to the many that motherhood has brought me.

and it isn’t old age, it’s all ry’s fault. Because it never happened before a giant baby came rip roaring his way into the world, and now it does. a to b to c. it’s simple arithmetic kids.

Is this my vagina’s way of getting back at me? For all the torture I’ve put her through?

that little bitch. I’ll show her. I’ll fucking show her. She can ruin every single pair of underwear I own but I’ll suffocate the shit out of her. I will. You hear me, v? I will do it. I will goddamned do it right now.