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I am almost 100% sure I have inoperable brain cancer (IBC).

Because things have been weird for me lately. Here is how:

-I am seeing things that aren’t there. Not in overt ways. I am not sitting here seeing dancing bears at my feet, for example. Or horses galloping next to me in the car. But I am seeing things that aren’t there, in shadows, in vague shapes, in specks of dust.

-My head hurts for a few minutes, severely, and then it goes away.

-I’ve been peeing a lot.

-Last night while having marital relations with my partner, I thought “tonight, he’s using his chicago cock.” What does that even mean? But it was a clear, distinct thought it my head and made perfect sense, except that it didn’t make sense at all.

-I have a strange itching sensation between my shoulder blades.

-I keep getting dizzy.

-I am tired all the time.

After consulting numerous sources (read: none), I learned that these are all the symptoms of IBC.

It was really great knowing you all, and I hope that Obama gets elected.

Hey speaking of the election, here is a web site that I just wasted the past 20 mins of work time reading. It’s women against sarah palin.

Also, I urge you all to go to the daily show’s website and watch the episodes about the McCain and Palin speeches. They are more forthright and revealing and hilarious than anything you will see on regular TV. Actually, all of the daily show episodes are great to watch; those are especially relevant given this so called convention bump of McCain’s.

I expressed to my good friend marianne recently about my distress over the election and did she think obama would win and what would we do if he didn’t. Here is what she said, and it made me feel immeasurably better. She’s smart.

No, I don’t think they will win. You need to remember that this went on during the primaries as well, lots of hand wringing by Obama fans, saying he isn’t fighting back enough, he isn’t doing this, he isn’t doing that AND HILLARY IS GAINING IN THE POLLS OMG!!! At each and every turn he and his campaign have made the right call. They started fighting back at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way. So no fear! Keep the faith, he will win. It is NOT going to be a landslide that people keep on seeming to express that he needs to have in order to be legitimate (which makes me mad as a hatter, let me tell you). There is far too much racial tension in this country for him to win that big. But he will win, make no mistake. People just need to stop acting as if in order for him to REALLY win he has to win by at least ten points, or whatever other arbitrary number the stupid talking heads put on it. It’s bullshit. He will probably win by a hefty majority of electoral college votes, but by only a five percent or so margin in the popular vote (which is all the poll numbers measure, keep in mind, they don’t measure electoral college votes, but you can bet your ass that Obama’s campaign is looking at the electoral college far more than the popular vote polls). That’s how it works. We are a divided nation and he isn’t Jesus Christ, he can’t pull the whole country together, although if he gets elected I feel pretty sure he will be able to get at least some stuff done.

And if McCain does win, I will join you in a lesbian commune located somewhere in Canada.

thanks M.

Also: I am so in love with Rachel Maddow it’s sick.

A stellar haiku from a stellar lady.

a random haiku about no one in particular, especially not him.
your cock is like some
new candy i never had
before. i like it.

isn’t she dreamy??

this is a good example of how to write a sexy (and not creepy) haiku.

I tried to give the RNC a chance, but my god was that a snoozefest. The audience looked like they were all waiting for their pudding, and getting a little grumpy about it. I kept thinking “never put mom & dad in a nursing home…”

I heard on PBS last night about how people are looking for leaders who developed their character outside of politics. can I get a hallelujah and an oh yeah?

John McCain though, he let the political machine erode and reshape his character and now I don’t know what he stands for anymore. I doubt he can even recognize himself in the mirror. You can’t sell your dignity and then turn to me and tell me not to sell my own. I don’t trust him and I don’t like him.

I was excited at first about Palin. I knew very little about her, but she was a female and she seemed like she wasn’t plucked from the assembly line. I would not have ever voted for her, but it was still interesting to me. Because I want something different, on both sides of the party. We all do, don’t we? That yearning for something that tastes new, smells different, touches us with unfamiliar hands.

And while I still relish the pick, it makes for an even better election, this young hockey mom from Alaska is almost the polar opposite in every single of my core, fundamental beliefs. (Don’t you love how she’s considered “young” but in every other arena in life, a women of that age is practically decrepit and barely viable?)

This issue about Palin’s daughter being pregnant is starting to get on my nerves. Do I care that her daughter is pregnant? No. But I don’t think you can be such an opponent of pro-choice when you say that your very own teenage daughter made a choice about this baby. That’s what she said, “This was Bristol‘s choice.” (I wonder just how much “choice” that girl really had in the matter, I really do.)

Because choice is okay for Sarah Palin’s family, but not my family or your family or anyone else’s family in America. It’s okay for Palin’s daughter to keep or not keep the baby, yet Palin wants to take that choice right out of your hands and decide for you. So really it isn’t that Sarah Palin is against pro-choice, she’s just Palin-choice. Her choice should be the law of the land, her choice for her family and yours and mine and all of America. What Palin wants. That seems fair, right?

Because, according to her, you only have a choice about your children’s future when they come out of your body, but not a minute before. All that time before the baby is born is entirely under the power and influence of Palin and the government and your neighbors. Certainly not you and not the father. God no. But hey, after that baby is born, remember: you’re on your own.

Explain to me how can we have choice at all if we don’t have choice from day one? It was our choice to get pregnant (well, sometimes, but in Palin’s eyes, abortion should not be allowed in cases of rape/incest, so even when it wasn’t your choice to get pregnant, it was still totally your choice. because you are a filthy dirty whore who shouldn’t be so brazen, taunting men to rape you), it was our choice to keep the baby, why can’t it be our choice to not have it? How does a party that is so rigid about “less governmental influence” use that same government to tell us what to do regarding our health and family decisions? I don’t fucking get it, I really don’t.

That is one of my main gripes with the GOP. They’re all about less government in our (and big business) wallets and all about more government in our bedrooms. That’s how they play. It’s not okay for you to worship and pray to whoever you want, it’s not okay for you to love and have sex with whoever you want, or marry who you want. It’s not okay for you to have privacy. But don’t worry, we’re going to make sure we enact all kinds of laws that tell you exactly what is okay, so you won’t be confused.

The Daily Show, which all of you should be watching, played a clip of Bill O’Reilly talking about Palin’s daughter and how it’s a private, personal family matter. As long as the government isn’t having to provide and care for the mother and child, then it shouldn’t be a policy issue or a matter of concern at all in this election, and therefore free from judgment.

Then they showed a clip of Papa Bear deriding Jamie Lynn Spears and saying how this girl’s pregnancy was the fault of bad parenting. He called her parents pinheads.

What you should take from this is that if you’re white, trashy and a teenager and you get pregnant, it is entirely because of bad parenting. But if you are the white, pregnant teen daughter of a pretty republican VP nominee, you are to be left alone and in fact lauded for getting pregnant and keeping the baby. Why, you are brave! and strong! and such a ROLE MODEL!

If this was reversed, if one of the democratic nominee’s teen daughter was pregnant, the GOP would certainly not turn the other way and take the high road. It would be more proof of how our family values are destroying the very fabric of american society, how democrats are too busy taxing everyone to pay attention to our own families, how our perverse and loose morals are going to bring another terrorist attack on good, hard-working Americans. All because we let our unwed daughters get knocked up.

Also: why is karl rove still allowed to talk in public? why do news media keep allowing him on their programs? WHY WHY WHY?!?

he did it, he picked palin.

I would bet my life that up till yesterday, they had mitt romney all lined up and ready to go. after the DNC and last night’s speech, all those “common people” telling their stories (Barney Smith vs Smith Barney)… well, they had to regroup, reorganize, re-strategize. And boy did they come back with a doozy. she’s a republican, she’s pro-life, she opposes same-sex marriage, but damn it. she’s a woman. she’s got a clear head and a likable demeanor and I think I actually like her. I know very little about her right now, but from what I could gather quickly this morning before the announcement, I think I like her. damn it. DAMN IT.

john mccain and his evil ways.

I’m still voting for joebama, but man alive, this is going to be a fight to the finish.

I LOVE ELECTION TIME.