TV is ruining my life

I’m watching a movie last night on TV (ugh, the dumbest movie ever but I watched THE WHOLE THING and hated myself for it, Nancy Drew, it was just horrid, in so many ways, and today I had to take a lot of drugs to get over it) and a scene unfolds where the boy character and the girl character are looking at each other, their gazes brimming with such operatic, cinematic passion, and slowly wordlessly they move in together for the big kiss.

A moment like that has never happened to me. I’ve been intimate with a fair number of individuals, but I’ve never been staring at someone with such intensity and unspoken desire and have that turn into some deep, amazing, dimension bending kiss. never ever ever.

Does this happen for other people? Have any of you been with someone and suddenly find yourself in a moment; music swells around you, everything softens & lightens, eyes lock, bodies lean in, mouths open slightly, and then you’re both kissing, in perfect time, beat for beat, breath for breath?

Because I want one of those moments and I don’t know if it’s me, if I’m the loser nerd in this equation, hooking up with a bunch of other loser nerds, or if these moments occur only on celluloid and I need not feel so bad.

14 thoughts on “TV is ruining my life

  1. gina

    OMG, TV always makes me feel bad. I have no moments of emotion communicated through my eyes, where it ends in some steamy embrace. Makes me feel like I am missing something. I think it’s a bunch of bullshite. But it makes me wonder.

  2. Marianne

    Well, I must be doing something horribly wrong in this whole parenting gig, because I am NEVER permitted to watch even a good movie, much less a crappy movie, uninterrupted and without a thousand whining voices (coming from only two children, I don’t know quite how they manage it) complaining about what needs they have that are not getting met.

    What the hell? Do you stay up until all hours of the night to watch crappy movies and the kid is in bed? Do you just ignore his plaintive wails and turn up the volume on the TV? Do you make him and G go in a separate room? Do you hide in some sort of cable-equipped bunker?

  3. christa

    I love the idea of having a directv-equipped bunker (no cable for me thank you). But alas, no, that was not the luck.

    Ryland spent the entire week at his aunt’s house, as his cousin is off for the summer and was free to babysit. but rather than travel the hour it takes to get there everyday, we decided to have him just sleep there for the week. We don’t have a daycare yet or the money for one until g gets his first paycheck. blah blah, etc etc.

    anyway, my point is that I’ve been kid-free for the past few days. and on wednesday night, g was at hockey, so I had the TV to myself. which is pretty awesome. I quite enjoyed it. I watched a law & order repeat, then some sports highlights, and then that horrible nancy drew movie.

    but I am relieved that there are other loser nerds out there just like me.

    if I were a whore and you were my trick, I think I might instill a no-kissing rule too Jonathan. because if I kissed you, I would probably fall in some kind of love and my career would be ruined. I’ll not have you ruining my whore career.

  4. Jonathan

    I’ve been the ruin of many a whore, ’tis true. But usually because of the virulent strains of venereal disease coursing through my manparts, not because of love.

    Unless “love” is a euphemism for chlamydia.

  5. DG

    Obama likes Wilco!!
    Later at a Lincoln Park nightclub, Obama spoke to a raucous crowd of music fans, who paid up to $500 per person to see a performance by Wilco lead singer Jeff Tweedy, and two other band members.

    “Before these guys go, I want them to know that I had heard a rumor that they had suggested that I had nothing by them on my iPod,” Obama said. “That is not true. I love Wilco.”

  6. Fi

    Hey Christa, I have actually had similar thoughts many times, if those tv moments really happen. I love my guy but no, I don’t think I have ever had a kiss like THaT. Not one thats made time stand still around us. (But I would never tell him that.)

  7. christa

    If “love” is a euphemism for chlamydia, then I am the most loving and giving motherfucker on this planet.

  8. jonathan

    BTW, I can’t help all you ladies who want time to stand still right before you kiss a dude, but if you want time to stand still right after you have unprotected sex, you should mention having Chlamydia (or any other STD). Trust me, it will be the longest, most awkward several minutes of your life.

  9. celly belly

    I have, but only with one man. The guy i’m involved with now. I call him my “jazz man” just kissing him has been more of a turn on and more sensual and erotic, make your toes curl and body shiver, tingley all over, take your breath away, I think I just orgasmed, sort of feeling, then most of the sex i’ve had with ex boyfriends. In my 35 years I never knew kissing could be anything like this. Perhaps i’ve just had the unfortunate luck of being with bad kissers. Not only were the guys either alcoholics, complete and utter narcisists or all out sociopaths, but bad kissers to boot. I call them “face suckers” trying to suck your face off is not kissing, i’m sorry. Now however, its, ooh lah lah…like how you see kissing in these romantic movies, but never thought was realistic. Well, it is and when you do experience it, it friggin rocks!!! he’s the only gemini i’ve ever kissed, so maybe thats it! find yourself a jazz singing, Icelandic, gemini and feel the rush, girl. Its kind of like the all over body high you get with a shot of Dilaudid. Which, by the way, if readily available, I would probably become addicted and whore myself out on the street for and inevitably end up on that show ‘Intervention’ which, by the way, when I had a tv, I loved! may I add, that it has now officially been a month since i’ve watched television. My old record is 7 months, so lets see if I can beat it. Wow, such self control. I mean, Ghandi had nothing on me. Dont worry though, I wont become one of those obnoxious, arrogant, a-holes who have bumper stickers on their cars that say ‘KILL YOUR TELEVISION!” the’re almost as bad as people with ones that say “THE ONLY GOOD KIND OF CAT, IS A DEAD CAT” and lastly, why are M&M’s so bloody addictive? I will wake up at 4am sometimes and stumble my way out to the kitchen in order to satisfy my M&M craving. I’m talking plain M&M’s here, not peanut, not almond, not the dark chocolate kind. Just plain ol’ M&M’s. I would lie, cheat and steal for them. They are bascially my crack and nobody, ever is going to take my M&M’s away from me. You hear me? NOT EVER!!! is it obvious i’ve only slept a mere 9 hours in the past 3 days? hmmmmmmm……

  10. christa Post author

    umm celly belly… I think you need to cut back on the m&ms, all those words, so fast, make my eyes hurt.

    I’m with you on the plain m&ms though. you can’t beat ’em. you can only kiss them and lick them and suck on them and let them melt in your mouth and coat your teeth and lips and tongue with gooey sweetness.

    wait what are we talking about again?

    oh yeah, plain m&ms. my favorite thing is letting them sit in my pocket, so they get a little warm, and then putting them in my mouth, all soft and squishy, but with the candy coating crunching just perfect.

    wait what are we talking about again?

    also: I hate you, with your happy movie kissing. I hate you. you are ruining my life!

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