Is nothing sacred anymore?

Turns out you CAN get pregnant through oral sex.

Gina sent me a link to this article, and it dumbfounds me in so many ways. Not Gina sending me the link, she’s always talking to me about sperm and blow jobs and so much more, as she’s a total sex freak. The events described within the article are what dumbfounds me.

There are at least eight or nine different flavors of crazy going on here and I am greatly amused and interested in them all.

First off, both people involved are doctors. You would expect doctors to behave with a little more dignity. This is so fucked up you can’t even label it as white trash. It’s the trash that even they wouldn’t touch.

Yes yes, I know, even doctors, supposedly smart educated folks, can act with pure lunacy, but it’s just surprising.

Second, think about it. The only way this woman could have saved his sperm was to keep it in her mouth after he came, and then spit it out somewhere safe for later use. umm, gross. super duper times ten gross. Why, why WHY would someone do that? I know people are crazy and do all sorts of crazy shit, but my god. She wanted that man’s baby that bad? She had to have thought about it and planned it out. That’s twisted devious shit man.

Third, it’s extraordinarily fucked up to let a guy come in your mouth, save it, secretly get yourself impregnated with it, then go and sue the guy for child support. Crazy attracts crazy, so I’m sure the guy is as insane as she is, but that still must be hard to swallow. haha. Seriously though, I’d be so effing mad if some girl let me come in her mouth and managed to save my milky yum yums to get herself pregnant. I didn’t agree to that! Everyone knows that oral sex is supposed to be baby-free! everyone knows this! It’s an unspoken, unwritten, universally understood agreement: oral sex means no baby.

Fourth, there is no way to support the claim of the woman that her actions weren’t “truly extreme and outrageous” as her actions are pretty much the picture perfect definition of truly extreme and outrageous. She may not have stolen his sperm, but she sure isn’t acting within the boundaries of normal, reasonable or sane.

Fifth, I feel sorry for that kid, who has a couple of nutjobs for parents. The woman’s lawyer is right, it IS shitty to have your father sue your mother saying that your birth has caused extreme emotional duress and is the reason you are living a nightmare of a life. It’s not the kid’s fault he was created via oral sex. And besides, you don’t see me suing gordon even though my kid has done the same thing to me. Every child causes extreme emotional duress and makes your life a living hell. That’s the beauty of parenthood, no one escapes unharmed.

Sixth, I love love love that this case even exists, and now it’s being all written up in fancy lawyer talk and in court documents forever. It is hilarious and awesome and I love it. My favorite part by far:

She asserts that when plaintiff ‘delivered’ his sperm, it was a gift — an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee,” the decision said. “There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request.”

HA!

And people say America sucks. We sure do! Then we makes babies with the results of our suckage.

Men everywhere, take note. The next time you say “please baby please just let me come in your mouth” there very well might be a baby coming your way…

7 thoughts on “Is nothing sacred anymore?

  1. Jonathan

    Who the hell says “please let me come in your mouth?” I say, “be careful baby, I’m about to come in 10,9,8” and then I come. Works every time. No one thinks to pull out until 3 or 2.

  2. gina

    I love this story too. We skipped it in class unfortunately – it was in our Family Law text book. Pretty amazing that they found some sort of property interest in the spooge. There’s lots of amusing law out there. You’d be amazed!

  3. mark

    All I’m saying is that this clears up a whole lot of gift-giving next Christmas! It’s what Jesus would have wanted…

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