maybe I’m being unreasonable.

Let me ask for the calm wisdom and unbiased opinions of my readers.

I am the first to admit that I don’t always give my boyfriend the recognition and appreciation he deserves. But you know what? boo fucking hoo. I don’t get it either, no one ever gets it. We’re all starved for appreciation and gratitude and attention. No one recognizes all the wonderful things we do and say, our very essence in fact, that makes life so much more enjoyable, so much more livable, for our families and friends. We’re all ungrateful bastards who take everything and everyone in our lives for granted. Sometimes it’s a lot, sometimes it’s a little, but no one is innocent here.

So I ask, is it wrong of me to not celebrate every minute of every day the fact that my boyfriend takes care of our son and does much of the domestic duties? I work full-time, whereas boyfriend does not. He doesn’t have a part time job or a freelance job or a consultant job. He doesn’t collect a paycheck from anyone at any time for any amount of work. He is a stay at home dad. His contribution is entirely non-monetary (note I did not say valueless). He does the same things that stay at home moms do all the time, the moms who do it without laudation, without awards and medals, without constant affirmation. The same things I was expected to do when I was at home with Ryland.

Yet, for some reason, boyfriend’s family seems to think that I am taking him for granted, that I don’t appreciate all he does.

I suppose I should be throwing some kind of fucking party every single fucking day to commend G on the job he’s doing. What’s wrong with me?

Because apparently that is what is required when their precious little baby does the things that he should be doing. I didn’t get a party when I was home with our son every breathing moment of our lives, letting him suck my nipples raw, never getting more than 2 or 3 hours of sleep, and having to deal with their golden boy, who was working full-time, if by working you mean sitting around with a bunch of drug addicts, drinking, smoking and doing whatever drug happens to pass by and lying to me about it. Let’s not forget stealing from my family and friends and doing his best to make me feel like I was the crazy one, like I was nothing more than a paranoid freak. No party for me then.

I don’t get a party now for going to work everyday. I don’t get a party for having to deal with his mother and his family on a regular basis. I don’t get a party for living with the bullshit that is my life and keeping my murderous rage in check.

see what I mean? We’re all underappreciated.

I tell you this because when I let my boyfriend’s family know that we were going to Tucson for christamas, I was attacked (not verbally, god forbid anyone in his family say something to your face, this was all email) for being selfish and rude and unappreciative, for taking advantage of everyone and everything in the entire universe. I was told that I am lucky to have G and I don’t deserve him (which may be true, but only if you’re fucking insane) and basically I’m the worse thing to exist in the world. All because I want to see my friends and family during the holidays. Off with my head, right?

Oh, and also, I’m the cause of 9/11, the lousy state of the american economy, and even possibly the Holocaust, they’ll get back to me on that one.

Here’s something interesting, in this same email, I was made aware that boyfriend’s mother has been supporting “my ass” for longer than I’ve even know him. That’s pretty cool on my part.

Did you also know that I am an awful mother because I go to the gym 2 days a week after work (3 if I’m lucky)? I am so inconsiderate. I don’t care about my son nor do I want to see him. Boyfriend’s mother NEVER went to the gym when she was raising her children. How can I stand to look in the mirror?

christ. now I’m going to have to start going to the gym 4 days during the work week. goddamn it. Look what these people drive me to do–exercise more than I care to be bothered.

I know I’m being defensive, but the only thing more annoying than your family telling you how to live your life is your significant other’s family telling you how to live your life. I’m ready to leave significant other in the dust, just to be rid of his ridiculous family. In all fairness to him, though, he had nothing to do with this. His family is full of a bunch of lonely, desperate bitches. He found their behavior unjustified and unacceptable. So I won’t punish him for his family. Well, not extensively. Just a little.

Those people don’t know me and the lengths I will go to exact my revenge. I have zero qualms about never letting them see Ryland again. He’s only half-related to them anyway, thank god for small miracles. I wasn’t particularly thrilled in being a part of their family, but now I don’t have to pretend to like them anymore. I’ve been released from fake niceness and that’s never a bad thing.

I liked my response to them though. I wrote back and said, “Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions. Have a great holiday!” I wanted to tear into them, tell each one exactly what I think of them, but I decided they weren’t worth the effort. I’ll write about them on my web site instead!

8 thoughts on “maybe I’m being unreasonable.

  1. Marianne

    Well, I will just say this:

    First, it is NONE of his family’s business what you do or when you do it. Period. It sucks that they are causing you this sort of stress, but it just comes with the territory, I guess. The territory being a committed relationship especially one involving mutual children.

    BUT, I will say this for the stay-at-home spouse….it’s not that we want a party thrown or that you need to be getting on bended knee every single day. We know what we do is both necessary and valuable. But here’s the thing….the world at large does not see what we do as valuable. Despite all the lip service given by thoughtless people who don’t have a fucking clue how difficult it actually is to stay at home full time with young humans, there is very little actual support or validation for this choice. You have external validation every moment of your day…your paycheck validates your choices, your co-workers validate your choices, and probably your partner validates your choices.

    What I’m saying is…the only place the stay at home partner receives validation of the choice you are both making for him/her to stay home and raise your child comes from YOU.

    It sucks, it’s a burden I am sure, but really and truly, you are the only one who can tell him that his choice is a valid one and you are the only one who can negate his invisibility to the rest of the world.

    As for his family, fuck them. It is none of their business. If he feels appreciated and if things are working for the two of you, that is all that matters.

  2. DG

    My opinions: Is there any reason that you are bound to these people? They are cruel , emotionally sick and extremely dysfunctional. No wonder Gordon was on drugs. You must gety away from them permanently.
    Gordon can take night class to learn enhanced skills, so when its time for him to work and can make good money.
    It is not wrong that Gordon stays at home now, a family should work as a team against the ever shifting requirements of the working world.
    But a family can not stand against such cruelty. Decisions will be made, harsh decisions, but ones that will keep your family unit functional and free.

  3. morgan

    Marianne, and DG… good points, both of you. And Christa, I applaud you by taking the high road with your email response. There is no need to give them the satisfaction of a discussion regarding this. I hope your custom Eegees makes you feel better. :)

  4. christa Post author

    thanks marianne and DG and MMS.

    and yes my custom eegees makes me feel immensely better, because I know that people out there, like Captain Eegees and Tiffany, love me enough to give me frosty lime slushes and no one can take that way from me.

    well I guess lots of people can take away frosty lime eegees away from me. Captain Eegee, Tiffany, you, any number of people in between me and my arrival next Tuesday.

    Guard the slushies for me Morgan!

  5. Jonathan

    Oh honey, don’t feel so bad. No one thinks you’re the “worse thing in the world.”

    It’s “worst.” they think you’re the worst thing in th world.

    Misunderstandings can really tear a family apart.

  6. christa Post author

    heh. that’s funny. misunderstandings is right.

    thanks JR. you’re so my favorite person you don’t even know.

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