On Missing Gordon.

It’s way past my bedtime. I am tired but every time I turn out the light and try to sleep, nothing happens. I blink up at the ceiling and my leg twitches and my mind races and frustration sets in and I am ready to jump out the window and start hooting like a monkey up and down the street.

I think it is because I am a melancholy molly. Gordon is gone, on a mini-vacation of sorts. The bed is all mine, which is nice and I guess I’m enjoying it but I am ready for him to be home already. I feel lonely and anxious and off-balance. Gordon has this way about him, makes me feel very warm, secure and cozy. I love a boy who can do that.

One of my most favorite things about Gordon, one of the things that drew me to him and still intrigues me, is his complete lack of nerdiness. He is a goofball and he is fun and he jokes around with me and can be such a dorkus malorkus, but he isn’t a NERD. A computer nerd anyway.

He just isn’t into computers. I love that so much. He uses mine, but for things like downloading music and looking at the web sites of his favorite musicians and playing puzzle games. And I had to show him how to do those things. He doesn’t know code or how to program. He doesn’t chat or IM or even use email very often. He doesn’t surf the internet looking for porn or spend endless hours reading web sites and posting to forums. He doesn’t have a web site. He doesn’t want a web site. He enjoys discovering new music and he mostly uses the computer to that end.

And he’s smart, but he isn’t one of those guys that has to let everyone know how smart he is or what he’s smart about, walking around pontificating about matters great and small (yeah, pretty much the exact opposite of me). He just does his thing and lets everyone else do their thing. He is not pompous or arrogant about anything. It is so refreshing.

And I like watching funny movies or TV shows with him, because when he finds something really funny, it is the best feeling in the world. The way he laughs is just the cutest sweetest thing I know, and it makes me happy to see. He doesn’t guffaw. He laughs quietly, almost to himself, and he closes his eyes as if it is almost too much for him to bear. If you weren’t watching him, you may not even know how funny he thinks something is, but I do and I really appreciate that.

oh god, and I love how tall and lanky he is, all arms and legs everywhere. He has smooth skin the color of honey, all over his body, all year long, even in winter, and it always feels so good to touch. He has the most beautiful back I have ever seen on a man, a rich creamy caramel, gorgeous like his stomach, which is flat and smooth and ticklish. He can reach all the things that I can’t and he looks so good in jeans that I want to just chomp him. His fingers are strong and he makes the sexiest noises when he is turned on.

He loves me like I am the only woman on earth, because for him, I AM the only woman on earth. There are plenty of girls out there better looking than me, but he doesn’t see them, they don’t matter to him. Because I have all the things he wants. My body and my soul are all he needs.

I love when he chases after me and tells me how crazy I drive him. He deserves some sort of congressional medal for how incredibly patient he is when it comes to sex. I don’t know how he does it. He always tells me how he wants to just live in my vagina, but not in a dirty creepy way; more like a worshipping, respectful, loving way. I have known so few men who appreciate and adore a woman’s vagina the way we deserve, not treating it as just some dank dark place to stick a penis. Gordon truly understands and idolizes the femaleness in me and that can be a very hard thing for me to come to terms with at times, given my previous experiences with men.

I like it when we talk about the day we first met, because he tells me how he was in love with me the second he saw me and how he vowed to do anything he could to have a chance with me. He says my smile is all he ever needs to be happy. But he doesn’t say it in a cheesy way. I have never known a boy to be so sentimental and even sappy, yet still be such a guy. He is also very clean and neat (again the opposite of me) and has great coordination and reflexes (also the opposite of me). I appreciate in him all the things I lack.

mmm. I feel sleepy now. Thinking about Gordon was nice. It relaxed me. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

I am also a believer that familiarity breeds contempt, but I will worry about that one later. For now, my heart grows fonder and I look forward to G’s return.

2 thoughts on “On Missing Gordon.

  1. Tiffany

    That’s about the sweetest damned thing I’ve read. Just don’t forget that HE’S the lucky one! Also, I would like to add for the record that he is a lot of fun to hang out with. We played Super Duper Trivia and it seemed wrong without you. :o(

    I can’t wait till April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. DG

    I am very happy for you. In all my 45 years I have never, never heard someone speak so lovingly of a companion. NEVER. As you may remember I have 4 sisters, the youngest of wich just got remarried. I have never heard any of them, or my mother, or any of the girls I grew up with talk about anyone like that.
    Its always been: he owns that business, or he’s an attorney, or his family owns a farm in an area slated to be developed, he owns a million dollar condo on the gold coast. He’s a doctor, he goes to the same yacht club as the Walgreen family, or he’s buying me a 745,000.00 dollar house. God how I hate them.
    I dont need to worry about you anymore Christa, I now know that you are going to turn out alright. You are a good person. I am going to spend more personal energy worrying about myself. Have a good day.