“If I could tell the world just one thing”

It annoys me that I’m not good with both my hands. I do everything better with my right hand. I’m all Parkinson’s disease in my left hand. It’s wrong to feel uncomfortable doing something with my left hand. It’s my own freaking hand and I feel weird using it. Not only do I feel weird, I’m not good at it, I’m not good at using my own body part. And then it drags me down that my right hand isn’t better, that my right hand is not kicking ass all over the place and doing everything awesomely. All I use is my right hand, and I should be like Super Right Hand Girl Who Rocks The Joints Using Her Right Hand. Something like that anyway. But it’s not. No, my right hand is junk.

For instance, at my last dentist appointment, I was told that the left side of my mouth isn’t as healthy as my right, due most likely to the way I brush my teeth, since I’m right-handed. And I think FUCK, my right hand can’t brush my teeth? Lousy lazy no good right hand. All you gotta do is hold a brush and you can’t even do that. You’re gonna be all left-side crazy teeth lady because your right hand is a big fat loser.

So I’m pissed that I have a gnarly club for a left hand and that my right hand sucks and won’t pick up the slack.

These hands… These hands are ruining my life.

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9 thoughts on ““If I could tell the world just one thing”

  1. DG

    Get one of those rubber balls and squeeze it alot!!
    And dont forget to floss…crazy rotten teeth lady would be kinda gross!!

  2. Steph

    You are just crazy… you make me laugh. So with the title, what would be the one thing you would tell the world? That your left hand is junk???

  3. christa Post author

    Well the subject is the first line from the song “Hands” by jewel, and since my little post was about my hands, I thought it was fitting.

    jeez steph, bone up on your jewel, will ya?

  4. morgan

    funny stuff. as a drummer, I gotta tell ya… it’s all about practice. it’s not that your left hand sucks… you just haven’t given it a chance.

    poor left hand. :(

  5. DG

    Just cruised Jewels image….
    wouldnt mind being stuck in a cabin covered with snow for a few months with her!!
    I wouldnt go the whole Artic winter, as even I get tired of that much intimacy…
    Oh yes and also she would be seductively chained to the wall!!