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12:45am
EST
I
know exactly what it is that I want. well maybe not exactly but
I have a very good idea. I know that I am tired and sad and lonely
and I want to not feel that way anymore. I know that I want something
that I can't have, that I can't get, something that is unreachable.
I have no one in my life that can give me what I need. And that
makes me want to just keep on going out and faking it, pretending
that it's enough, even though I know that it will never be enough
that it could never be enough that it can't possibly be enough.
i
spent the day at the beach and it was grand, as they say. quite
grand. I was stupid and didn't smear sunscreen on my back and now
it's burnt. it's red and it's hot. I can lay my hand on my back
shoulder and just feel the heat radiating out of my skin. stupid
stupid christa.
but
the beach was fun and even though the water was ohmygod cold I still
went in. but I sure do miss California beaches. man. those were
the best. warm water, warm dry sand, warm warm warm. boston beaches
are great because it's still the ocean and christa loves the ocean
and all, but I sure am lonesome for some warm pacific water.
after
laying around on the beach for a little while we played some mini-golf
and the arcade and some skee ball and we spent about seven hundred
dollars winning tickets to buy cheap little trinkets and toys that
are worth maybe fifty cents. you gotta love those arcades.
i
remember going to the santa monica pier with celeste and john. that
was a lot of fun. we got our pictures taken in those photo booth
things. they are goofy pictures. somehow I ended up with all four
of them. I miss john. i miss celeste. i miss them tons and tons.
that celeste. man she is a crazy kid. she gets me to do insane things
like wear short skirts to nightclubs and sprinkle glitter on myself
and wear high heels. she also makes me laugh and the way she burps
will never cease to crack me up.
i
wish i could have all my friends with me all the time wherever I
go. i have the bestest friends in all the world. they are all complete
assholes, but they are still the bestest.
speaking
of friends--a few days ago a girl filled out my best friend application.
only by some stupid mistake I accidentally deleted it. so if you
are her (she was 17 I think and she said she liked Apu and when
he says "thank you come again") please do me a super huge
big favor and fill it out again and send it to me. I can't keep
proper tabs on this whole best friend thing if I don't have all
the apps at my disposal. also, I thought you were really funny and
stuff. also, to everyone else who has filled it out--I like to respond
to everyone who does so but some of you don't leave email addresses.
and to the rest of you who did leave an address but I didn't respond,
it's only because I don't like you.
haha.
the
other day, I hit a car. well, not really hit, but sort of. I was
parked in front of a car and we were leaving. so I looked back and
I didn't see a car even though it was RIGHT THERE. thinking there
were no cars behind me, I just dropped it in reverse and gassed
it, and then SLAM. so we got out, me and neely, and thank you dear
jesus there was no damage to either car. but there were a lot of
people around so I didn't know what to do. and then neila says "here,
I'll show you what to do" and she spends the next hour writing
a novel and then I read the note and it says something like "hi,
sorry I tapped your car as I was backing out. there was no damage
to either car but some people saw so I had to pretend I was writing
down my info." I laughed and laughed and then slid the note
under the wipers of the car. and just as we were pulling out, the
people who own that car came back. ha ha. there seriously was nothing
wrong with my car or theirs so I don't feel bad.
there
were some other things I wanted to discuss here, but I can't remember
them.
fuck
it's late I am going to bed and then I am going to sleep forever
and when I wake up I am going to the pub and I'm drinking and to
hell with the consequence.
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