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8:45am
EST
(written
night of july 4th) so my first fourth of july in boston was nice,
i had fun and hung out and ate some good food and saw some fireworks.
it was good. but it ultimately ended up with me feeling extremely
lonely and out of place. lost. unsure. i didn't like that feeling
and it still hasn't gone away. it is just sort of sitting there
in my stomach, making me feel uneasy and worried and scared. i want
so much. sometimes i feel like my insides will just explode, my
heart will swell so much that it just bursts through my rib cage.
(finished
today) My therapist is leaving in about five weeks. She is moving
on, as her schooling is done or something. i am not exactly sure.
I just know that I am very nervous about this because I really like
her and I trust her immensely and she has just been such an unbelievable
source of comfort and the idea of starting all over again with someone
new is so imtimidating and I don't like it. bleah.
To
the publishers of People magazine: you have made an editorial mistake
in your latest issue that needs correcting, as soon as possible.
Your topic is "100 Most Eligible Bachelors", which is
a fine idea, however, you erroneously included my boyfriend, Matt
Damon, who loves me very very much. As we all know, he is most definitely
NOT eligible, although he is very hot and sexy. Thanks for attending
to this matter.
highway
freeway expressway blah blah. it is all the same. get on and drive
fast. zooooom. that's all that I care about. I am a race car driver,
get outta my way, zooooom.
things
are getting quite interesting in my best friend quest. So many choices.
but I did receive an application from an irish fellow and that has
quite an edge, because he is irish and because he is a boy and because
he is an irish boy. he is also funny. so if you are worried, then
you should go over and fill out an application
(or fill it out again) and be even funnier.
I
am wicked smart, wicked smart, wicked smart and if you play me in
trivial pursuit i will KICK your stupid ass and you will cry and
be sorry and I will dance around and holler and make you embarrassed.
that
is true for pretty much any game of any kind. so just step off,
my friend.
whoever
becomes my boyfriend would be very lucky because I love to buy lots
of fabulous presents for my boyfriends.
On
monday night, I went home with Niall and we had a nice chat in padraig's
room. only this is bad, because it is much easier to not actually
be serious about him when it's all about sex. Actually knowing him
and things about him (like that he is sensitive and writes poetry
and is a bookworm and likes studying history) will only mean that
I will end up getting hurt. Not a LOT hurt, because he's an irish
boy and I know not to like him too much, but still, I might get
a little hurt. oh well. life goes on.
okay
time to go.
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